


The Name We Give Our Mistakes

by BooksLoveAnyone



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-06-19
Packaged: 2018-01-26 02:56:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1672103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BooksLoveAnyone/pseuds/BooksLoveAnyone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laurel intended to bargain for fairness, for support, for soldiers to help defend Starling City. She didn't see this coming...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Forgive Your Enemies

**Author's Note:**

> *Disclaimer - Characters belong to CW*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forgive your enemies…nothing annoys them so much.  
> \- Oscar Wilde

When John had approached her as she left the only structurally sound part of City Hall, asking for her help with a ‘legal issue’, Laurel had assumed he was going to ask her advice on custody of his unborn child or the implications of remarrying his ex wife.

Maybe the possible jail time they’d all be facing if the Arrows true identity was ever made public.

What Laurel did not expect was John requesting she march down to A.R.G.U.S. and insist Amanda Waller reconsider the terms and conditions of her ‘Suicide Squad’ yet, somehow, here she was - face to face with Amanda Waller.

Face to face with a very unimpressed Amanda Waller

_In an underground room of a sealed facility where no one knows I am_

All things considered, not her best plan.

“Ms Lance, If I understand correctly, you believe that your position as a recently reinstated, recovering alcoholic, assistant District Attorney, somehow gives you the required authority and security clearance to begin a discussion on the terms and conditions of the continued imprisonment of convicted criminals?”

“Ms Waller - “ she began, surprised her voice had not yet betrayed her complete lack of confidence “- I’m here to discuss the potential legal implications if it were to be made known that A.R.G.U.S. condones placing bombs in United States citizens who have been convicted without trial in order to coerce them into continuing criminal activities under threat of a very unpleasant death.

I don’t disagree that they are guilty of multiple crimes, but they should have some form of representation, even if that representation is solely to agree the terms of a binding contract with an agreed upon end date”

“You want to draw up contracts for their service?”

“I want to agree on a sentence, an end date and I want to agree steps which could be taken in order to reduce their time in your service.”

Waller, expression unchanged, had at least leaned back in her chair. Her expression no longer openly hostile but mildly amused.

_Time for the hail Mary pass_

“For example…” she took a breath, dropped her eyes to steel herself for just a moment “a reduction in sentence could be achieved through time served in Starling City supporting the Arrow”

“Excuse me?”

_Oh dear…_

“Oliver needs help. You know that. Slade Wilson may have been defeated, he may have gotten his company back, with your help of course -“ Laurel held her hand up as the other woman began to protest “- but the fact is Starling City is overrun with criminals looking to fill Slade and Bloods shoes. Oliver is on his own. Digg has to take a back seat for the sake of Lyla, Roy is still coming to terms with losing Thea and everything he did while under the Mirakuru, Felicity is working on her physical training, as am I but the two of us together still don’t equal Sara!”

She paused, took a breath, tried to quell the panic rising as she had listed all the ways they were coming up short

“We need back up. You don’t utilise the full squad often, you can spare the men. John has worked with Lawton a few times and in spite of their past, he’s agreed to Lawton assisting. Oliver and John have both expressed concern over Ben Turner but Agent Michaels has vouched for him.”

_Time for negotiations Lance_

“Keeping the explosive devices in place during a trial period would be acceptable, as would removing the devices without their knowledge until trust is earned.

Do we have a deal?”

Waller regarded the young woman in front of her. Cool under pressure, educated. Cop father, assassin sister, vigilante ex boyfriend. Waller had seen SCPD reports about the Black Canary’s continued assistance with smaller crimes, never alone, always backed up by the Arrow or Arsenal, and concluded there was a new recruit to replace Sara Lance within Oliver Queens team. The tech girl had been the one to finally slip Slade Wilson the cure, that much she was aware of, but she hadn’t considered her a likely replacement.

_Good for her._

The other Lance had crossed her mind briefly but both together, splitting the role of canary?

_Isn’t that exactly what the masks were for? Hiding the person to focus on the idea? On the work?_

“We have a deal”


	2. Some Cause Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go.  
> \- Oscar Wilde

“FELICITY!”

“Oliver I fail to see how defending myself with any available object hurts my training?”

“You’re supposed to be learning how to block and parry punches. You’re supposed to be learning to defend yourself. You’re supposed to be learning how to quickly disarm an opponent. Kicking me in the shins and throwing a keyboard at my face achieves none of those goals.”

“Then don’t attack me so close to my computers”

Laurel descended into the rebuilt lair underneath Verdant to the familiar sound of Oliver and Felicity bickering over her training. Again.  
The problem was neither of them really wanted Felicity in the field. Since she Trojan horsed Slade Wilson, Felicity wanted to be valuable, to be involved, she’d broken free of the safety of her computers and felt she’d be letting down Oliver by admitting that the freedom was terrifying. That some nights she was so scared that if Roy didn’t cover for her she’d have blown half of all the jobs she picked up.  
Oliver had become just as prone to mistakes. Protecting Felicity came first, defending Starling City and catching criminals were no longer his top priority and they wouldn’t be until Felicity was safe.

_I ought to knock their heads together. Maybe lock them in a room together… I wonder if Waller has access to sodium pentathol?_

Laurel didn’t mind picking up the bulk of the Canary's nightshifts. She found it soothing. A release, much the same way alcohol had been.  
The darkness surrounding her on patrols was a comfort, the leather jacket gifted to her by Sara had become armour, she lived for the thrill of the chase, the exhilaration of taking down men twice her size. _This_ she was in control of. _This_ made a difference.

“Beaten back by Felicity’s computers again Ollie?”

Oliver stopped glaring at Felicity and turned to Laurel

“Hey, Where have you been? John said you were doing him a favour?”

_John Diggle considers bargaining with Waller a favour? Guess I’ll have to think of something truly impossible for repayment_

“Well it wasn’t so much a favour as….well, blackmailing Amanda Waller into letting us use the Suicide Squad for back up”

Felicity’s broken keyboard was forgotten, hanging limply in her hands

“What? Which Squad members? The ones who tried to kill us or the ones who almost succeeded?”

“Felicity…” Oliver’s hand reached for his girl Friday’s shoulder, calming the imminent babble

“You’ve worked with Deadshot before, Bronze Tiger is a little… unpredictable but Lyla thinks he can be trusted. John is ok with this, it was his idea! You need the support Oliver. Besides - “ Laurels eyes cut to Felicity “- Waller will transfer control of the kill switches here, Felicity has the technical knowledge to monitor them, if she doesn’t mind swapping a few Canary nights for tech support down here of course?”

The tension in Oliver's face all but vanished at Laurels suggestion that Suicide Squad out there meant Felicity staying safe at Verdant, for strategic reasons, of course.

“But I’m getting good! Out there I mean. I -“

“Felicity, please, we really could use the extra manpower, even from those guys, and we’re missing you on the strategic side. Your guidance, monitoring, your hacking into systems to clear our access. You know we’ve been needing you here.”

_Good God Queen, quit with the wounded puppy eyes and kiss her already. Idiot_

Laurel rolled her eyes as Oliver and Felicity continued to converse silently, the sudden slump of Felicity’s shoulders indicating her reluctant acceptance.

“Lawton is being delivered into my custody tomorrow, Ben is out on a job, we’ll get him end of next week. Waller is having non lethal rounds delivered to Verdant in an hour. Oliver, you’ll need to sign for them. I’m heading home to get some sleep. I spent almost all damn day driving.”

And with that, she left the Vigilante billionaire and IT genius alone.

*************************************************************************************************

“Laurel Lance, I’m here to take custody of Floyd Lawton.”

The security guard currently inspecting her ID had the air of a man whose misanthropy had been borne of boredom. She saw the same cynicism in her older colleagues in the District Attorney’s office. Products of youthful idealism beaten quiet by their inability to do anything but keep ‘the system’ ticking over their entire careers. She saw what she might have become had her ex boyfriend not donned the hood of a murdered friend.

The guard had either been satisfied or run out of patience, either way he motioned for Laurel to follow him through a series of locked doors until turning down a corridor on their left.  
Limericks were being sung in a high pitched baby voice as though they were lullabies by a pigtailed blonde in a cell on her right, the other cells were quiet or empty.

The guard stopped and unlocked a door, stepping back to allow its occupant to exit.

“What the hell is this?” drawled the man with an eye patch currently looking her up and down.

“Mr Lawton, my name is Laurel Lance, you’ve been released into my custody. You’ll be accompanying me to Starling City to assist the Arrow for a trial period in return for a reduction in your service.”

Stunned silence preceded the outrage

“You serious? Wallers just handing me over to an unarmed girl to be taken on some road trip? No back up, you’re not armed… this is insulting. You know, I used be a pretty good assassin and now some girl’s supposed to keep me leashed!”

Lawton had begun to pace, agitated, the guard had moved his hand from the keys on his belt which would relieve Lawton of his handcuffs, to his taser.

She stepped forward, right into Lawton's personal space  
“You have a bomb on your spine, I have a magic button that’ll make a mess of your pretty white cell and in case you think ‘some girl’ wouldn’t hit that button, in the last two years you almost killed my father and my boyfriend. A messy cell wouldn’t concern me.”

Lawton smirked at her. A smirk she knew well. It’s the smirk bad boys and boy billionaires shared. Usually directed at things they wanted to acquire.

Cuffed wrists thrust towards the guard, he nodded once at her.

“Then lets go”


	3. True Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> True friends stab you in the front - Oscar Wilde

“So, any reason you sprung me in particular?”

“Ben Turner’s out on a job.”

It was the first words they had exchanged with each other since leaving A.R.G.U.S. Deadshot had packed a bag, swapped his yellow uniform for civilian clothes, picked up his weapons (minus bullets for now) and had the many ways in which escape attempts would be dealt with explained in great and gory detail by Waller.  
He now sat in the passenger seat beside Laurel staring out of the window. Evidently the scenery was failing to hold his attention.

“John know I’m coming?”

She sighed. _should've know he was the chatty type_

“He requested you, something about ‘character’ last time you worked together.”

Deadshot nodded, accepting that answer.

“How’s his kid coming along”

“You think you have any right to know?” Laurel didn’t have time to question the wisdom of snapping at the assassin sat not a foot away from her.

“I’m just making conversation princess. How come you’re picking me up?”

“I’m a lawyer, I negotiated the deal with Waller. Besides if I put you in a car with Oliver or John you’d never make it to Starling. Speaking of…” a grin spread across her face “when we reach the city you’re getting in the trunk”

“Excuse me?”

“There’s a hood in the back, you’ll put it on and get in the trunk. Can’t have you knowing the location of our secret base, can we?”

“Riiight…”

***************************************************************************

Once the car had stopped and he’d been manhandled out of the trunk, he was guided through a door and down a flight of steps.

_Heavy metal, echoes. Industrial area. Factory? Warehouse? Definitely underground._

The skinny lawyer pushed down on his shoulder, indicating he was to sit and he clattered into a chair.

“Wanna take it easy there darlin’? Not much good to you injured”

“I think you can take it” _John._

The hood was removed and he blinked as his eyes adjusted to the fluorescent lighting

“Wow. I warranted a welcoming committee? I’m touched, Really”

  
John Diggle was leaning against a desk covered in computers, he appeared relaxed but the detail orientated sniper in Floyd noticed the tension in his forearms, the slight creasing around the eyes. Lyla Michaels stood a little behind the desk, visibly pregnant, while the blonde he recognised from escaping the Gulag sat in a large swivel chair next to John. Front and centre was Oliver Queen himself flanked by a younger man who reminded him of a Rottweiler. Poor kid, all puffed up and frowning, dead give away he’s still green…

He sensed the lawyer _Lance, wasn’t it? Laurel._ standing behind him before she started to speak.

“Meet your new employers. You do what we say, when we say and your sentence shrinks, mess up and your skull expands. I believe we covered that before you left A.R.G.U.S. You know John and Lyla and obviously you’re familiar with Oliver's archery skills” she couldn’t help smirking.

_Smug bitch. Yeah, Robin Hood cost me an eye, hilarious_

“Roy here is currently identified by SCPD as Red Arrow, he’s out in the field most nights and Felicity is our resident Genius. She also retains primary control of your kill switch, so I suggest being especially nice to her. Any questions?”

“Yeah, plenty. Lets start with where’s the armoury and how do you expect me to back you up when I don’t even know where home base is?”

Oliver stepped forward

“You’ll know our location soon enough, Felicity has an upgrade ready to go for your chip, it’s linked to GPS and a perimeter alarm in this building. You don’t leave this basement unless we say so. As for the armoury, it’s rubber bullets and tranq darts for you from here on out. No killing, thats not how we work.”

“Fantastic. You’ve got yourself an assassin and you don’t want people dead….” Lawton rolled his eye “When’s my upgrade?”

“It’s done” piped up the ‘resident genius’ “wireless upgrade, started it when you walked in” She sent a mildly apologetic smile his way.

_She’s too sweet to be in this, reminds me of Zoe. Awkward, smiley. Brave but far from fearless._

He nodded slightly, head tilted _no hard feelings_

“You mind if I make a request?” No one moved “I’ve had nothing but prison food for going on a year now, pardon the expression but, I’d kill for a burger”

John spoke up “We’re heading out anyway, be an hour or so, I’ll bring something back” and headed for the stairs with Lyla.

“Thank you” _Damn_ he’d rather anyone but John did him favours.

Laurel walked past him towards the computer desk motioning him to follow

“You’ll be sleeping here, theres a few old store rooms at the back and a shower block in between from when this was a factory. It’s not exactly a hotel but it’s comfortable and bigger than your cell.”

Well she was right about it being bigger than his cell. _Her definition of comfortable could use a little work…_

“Hey guys?” Felicity called from the desk “That group of looters we’ve been chasing, the ones that are organised, not the ones that keep ripping off Target, well I think I found the most likely location for them to be hiding out.”

Lawton followed Laurel out to the desk while Felicity explained she’d been working on a program to collate all hits attributed to the gang and create a geographic profile to identify the most likely future targets and what the gang considered their ‘safe zone’

_Give me straightforward assassination any day_

He tuned out while Oliver, Roy and Laurel worked out the details. Why were these kids so hellbent on running around in masks. Defending the city? He’d never lived anywhere he cared for that much. He respected John, out of guilt primarily but he couldn’t deny the man had honour.

“Lawton? You alright with that?” Ah, Rottweiler

“I have no idea what you were talking about cub”

“What’d you call me?”

“Alright, Jesus Lawton you’ve not even been here an hour and you’re pissing people off. You’re coming with me, we’ll be on the roof opposite the condemned apartment block for back up, Roy and Oliver will be sweeping the building, John will be parked up the street as our getaway driver and Lyla will be parked 2 blocks over ready to call the police once we’ve restrained the gang.”

“And you’re my babysitter because…”

“Because we drew straws and I’ve got shitty luck”

“Such language from opposing counsel. Ever been held in contempt?”

The door at the top of the stairs opened, “Hey, I got take out for all”

_Finally_

He abandoned winding up Laurel and took the bag John shoved at his chest, a distinctive spring in his step as he tucked in to his first burger in 8 months.

**********************************************************************************

“You understand the purpose of rubber bullets don’t you? You’re aiming to slow them down, thats it”

“Yes princess, the world class marksman understands the principles of shooting a range of ammo”

_Is she always this tense as Canary? Probably still pissed I leered at her when she first came out in the Canary costume._

“Why are you doing this?”

“Someone has to watch you.”

“No, I mean why are you playing the vigilante game?”

“None of your business Lawton, just watch that door.”

“Look your boys aren’t even inside yet, we got time to kill. I never met the first Canary, she was your sister, right?”

“Right.”

“Cop father?”

Silence.

“It’s going to be pretty boring working together if we don’t talk, Princess.”

“There’s Oliver now.”

Lawton turned his attention back to the door to the old apartment blocks main entrance just as Oliver stepped inside.

10 minutes later a man, maybe early 20’s, ran out and Lawton quickly shot 2 rubber bullets at centre mass, knocking the man off his feet just as Roy caught up to him.

The comms in his ear crackled to life

_“Diggle pick up in 5, Lyla call it in”_

_“Copy that Oliver”_

“Guess we’re done here Princess.”

“Guess so, we should head ba-“

Laurel was cut off mid sentence by 2 men throwing the stairwell door open and rushing across the roof towards them.

_Ah, so there will be some action_

The Canary headed for the man on her right, bo staff in hand while Floyd dropped his rifle and met the second man head on. The fight was brief, the men had nothing but optimism in their corner, but just as he dropped goon number 2, Laurel took a pretty nasty punch from goon number 1. Lawton grabbed the mans arm as he pulled it back for a second punch, forcing it down and twisting back hard, a move he knew caused spiral fractures straight up the arm. Painful too, from the screams. He left the man to his agony and held out a hand to Laurel, who dismissed it completely and stood up on her own.

“They’re not going anywhere, the police will pick them up, lets go.”

“You’re welcome!” He called at her retreating form


	4. When I Was Young

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is. - Oscar Wilde

His first week saw the formation of a daily routine, familiar to him from his time in various prisons and his months with A.R.G.U.S.

He woke, showered, dressed, ate. Spent some time working out (including an ill fated attempt on the salmon ladder that he gave up on less than halfway up) at lunch time either John or Roy would bring him lunch and a print out of the nights plans, background information on any current criminal activity, maps of starling city…. all printed, he still wasn’t allowed any form of computer access, then there was a lull.  
A daily period of boredom that allowed him too much time with his thoughts.  
Thoughts of his brother, who he’d tried to save, who he’d loved, who had died by his own hand _My first kill, the one I truly regret_ thoughts of his son, briefly, he couldn’t bring himself to think of him for long, how he died, what his last few hours must have been like… _too much_ …time spent thinking about his life, what he’d become. What did he want to be as a child? Had he ever had the freedom to dream? If he’d grown up with different parents, would he be normal? _Or is killing just who I am?_

The time inside his head was the worst part of his day.

Finally, one by one, the team trickled in, ready to suit up and head out. Sometimes he sparred with Oliver and Roy, _never John_ , he’d offered to train with Felicity and Laurel once but had been met with a firm “no” from all parties.

He’d never seen Felicity don the Canary guise, though he knew she had. She offered every night and every night Oliver had a different excuse.

_Protecting his girl. I can have fun with that_

Laurel had been paired with him every night so far. That woman had some anger issues. She threw herself into fights, hard. She didn’t let up, she didn’t hold back. She was competent with the staff and hand to hand, didn’t seem too fond of guns though.

_Shame, she might have made a decent assassin_

*******************************************************************************************

_6 nights of this. 6 damn nights of ‘Princess’ and ‘Darlin’ and smirking. 6 nights of his faux gentleman schtick. Next time quirks that stupid eyebrow…. I’ll ping his eyepatch right in his face._

Opening doors, half bows and blowing kisses as he laughs at her frustration. She’d never been so on edge in her life. The bad guys were taking one hell of a beating this week.  
 _Mainly so I don’t kill my ‘partner’_  
She couldn’t put her finger on what annoyed her so much. Something about his whole flirty bad boy persona. He was a trained killer, he enjoyed it. He killed Johns brother for crying out loud! He had no right to put on some harmless little bad boy act like the worst he was capable of was smoking on school property or knocking up the prom queen.

Sometimes, when they were alone together, she wondered how he got started.

Her work at CNRI put her in contact with a lot of victims, it also meant she got plenty of face time with the perpetrators. She’d met rapists who escalated to murder, gang bangers that had started in petty crimes and eventually worked up to killing rival gang members. Wife beaters who went too far, who ‘only meant to scare her’. By and large the men started off with smaller crimes and escalated. Women bore the brunt. She’d seen a few women who had killed, defended them, actually. They snapped and killed their violent boyfriend, their husband when they realised he had been abusing their kids… it was retaliatory.  
So based on her personal experience, the man she was currently stuck in a supply closet with (waiting on the elderly security guard completing his hourly sweep) was either a rapist, a gang banger or a violent misogynist.  
Rapist to assassin wasn’t a logical step, she just couldn’t see it, he wasn’t overly charming and polite (as the rich boys who date raped party girls tended to be), nor was he silent and predatory around her and Felicity. He was actually vaguely respectful underneath the sarcasm.  
He was too anti social to have ever belonged to a gang and she’d already ruled out the abusive boyfriend angle.  
She didn’t want to consider it, didn’t want to have his actions excused or rationalised, but his behaviour, his attitude towards training with Oliver and Roy, it was. defensive. The overt ‘devil may care’ antipathy, laughing off past kills, it reminded her of a client, Louisa, who had been passed on to CNRI. Louisa’s boyfriend had been abusing her young daughter, and ‘sharing’ with his friends. She’d damn near gutted him, and then hunted down 3 of his friends over a 2 month period while her daughter was safe at her grandparents. When she’d finally been caught, she’d laughed, shown no remorse, stood righteous in the face of the death penalty. But the pain of her daughters experience, the guilt she felt at introducing her daughter to her abuser, of not noticing immediately… no amount of forced laughter could hide it.  
It was that same shadow that descended on Lawton's face when he didn’t think anyone was looking, and she wished like hell she’d never noticed it.

He shifted behind her, leaning forward to glance through the small vent in the supply closet door, she could feel his body heat on the small of her back, exposed by the cut of Sara’s jacket.

His left hand landed on her hip as he turned his lips to her ear, voice barely audible

“Time to go, Princess”

_I wish he wouldn’t do that_ she thought as she tried and failed to repress a shiver. _Cocky bastard_

It had been Johns idea to start using him as more than just a gun hand, which is why they were now creeping around in the dark to upload a virus Felicity had written to the servers of a company whose CEO who had the dubious honour of being named in Robert Queen’s notebook.  
Pure corporate espionage, no violence required.

10 minutes later the virus had uploaded via a USB onto a desktop PC assigned to the CEOs assistant and they were headed back through the door they had snuck through thanks to the recently recovered Tockman device.

“You hungry?”

“Excuse me?”

“I said, are you hungry? I’m starved, wanna grab some take out?”

“Lawton, did you hit your head? You really think I can just waltz into Pizza Hut dressed like this?” she asked, gesturing to her wig and eye mask.

“You really think anyones gonna be looking above the neck when you’re wearing that?” she’d barely opened her mouth to retaliate before he continued “Listen I’ll go, here, you take my vest and this…” he pulled off his tactical vest and turned his head to swap his eye scope for his regular eye patch without her seeing “what you in the mood for?”

She was hungry….

“Fine, you like Sushi?”

“As long as it comes with crispy rice”

Laurel paused to look at him, startled. _Statistically you had to have something in common._

He moved to the trunk of the car they were using, throwing in his vest and eye scope, Laurel stepped beside him, removing her wig and mask before locking the trunk.

“I’ll drive”

“Whatever you want Princess”

**********************************************************************************

_My life has gotten incredibly weird._

If someone had told her a year ago she’d be eating sushi in a car with an international assassin after breaking into the head office of a fortune 500 company to upload a computer virus at 2 in the morning…

_Actually a year ago I was so drunk I’d probably have believed them_

“Last time I had Sushi was 3 years ago, Musashi in Kyoto.”

Laurel shifted her attention to the passenger seat. Lawton hadn’t looked up.

“Let me guess, you were hired to take out ‘Hello, Kitty’?”

He snorted, something close to amusement _was that a genuine laugh?_

“No, that’d make the top 10 though”

“You have a top 10 assassinations list?”

“I could come up with one.”

“You’d be able to list the people you’re happiest about killing?” She was starting to go off her food…

“Nah, not the people. With a few exceptions, they were just names with dollar signs attached. It’s the shots I’d rank. The really tricky ones, the ones that I really had to work at.”

“Did you ever feel guilt?”

Lawton's face had become worryingly hard

“Not over anything I was paid for”

Cryptic much?

“What were the exceptions?”

“What?”

“You said there were exceptions? To just names with dollar signs?”

“We should get back.”

************************************************************************************

Laurel pulled into the alley behind Verdant, cutting the engine and dragging herself from the front seat to walk Lawton to the Foundry door. Tiredness had set in as they had finished their sushi in tense silence, now she was exhausted _and I have a whole 5 hours until I need to be in the office reviewing 3 case files…_ yawning, she entered the lock code on the door and held it open for him. He passed her, and just as she was about to let go of the door, he paused, looking down the stairs to the gloom of the basement he currently called home.

“The man…” he took a breath “The man who killed my son. He was an exception.”

Laurel had frozen _Son? He had a son? When did he die? How did he die? Was this his first kill?_

“I do have a regret over that though.”

He turned to look at her, his cold blue eye locked right on her.

“I wish I’d done it slower”


	5. The Only Difference

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future. - Oscar Wilde

“Hey Ollie, listen I need a couple nights off, can you manage?”

_“Yes, of course… You ok?”_

“Yeah, yeah. Just manic at work, can’t let my day job slip!”

 

* * *

 

Laurel pulled into the underground garage at A.R.G.U.S. for the 3rd time in as many weeks, nodding to the guard who had been sent to escort her.

 

“Ms. Lance?”

 

“Thats me.”

 

“This way”

 

Within minutes she was yet again facing Amanda Waller.

 

“Ms Lance. Are you having problems with Deadshot?” The concern in her question did not match the expression on  her face.

 

“No. Not exactly. I want more information on his history. I need to look at his file, anything you have on him.”

 

“Thats not advisable” Apparently Waller had several different levels of ‘Stony faced’

 

“He’s in my custody, with my family. I need to know who he is and what he’s capable of.”

 

Waller was becoming exasperated with the current spate of ‘heroes with a strong moral compass’ traipsing through her facility asking for favours.

 

“You may regret this”

 

Waller turned and Laurel had no choice but to follow her down a corridor and into a room with a single computer. Waller leaned over, logged on and stepped back to allow Laurel access to the screen.

 

* * *

Laurel had been in the small windowless room for hours. The chair was uncomfortable and the information flooding her screen had managed to incite every emotion she was capable of in short painful bursts.

She felt battle weary, bone tired and sick to her stomach.

 

There were huge gaps in his file, there was no information about his childhood, his parents, his education… nothing at all until he was in his mid twenties. A few high profile kills over a few years. A single paragraph about the brutal end his son had met which moved her to tears, followed by a single sentence that Lawton had eliminated the killer. A gap in the file, then a daughter _Zoe, the pictures in his cell .He’d brought them to the Foundry._

Information became more detailed, there were photos of some kills. Mainly sniper shots at a distance with a few gory anomalies. Arrest details, each followed quickly by escape details. 

A note about the loss of his eye, then some sketchy surveillance information that indicated he’d been unable to find work after Oliver shot him in the eye. _Look at that, a fellow alcoholic._ Then technical information about his eye scope followed by an increase in kills _and an increase in his rates, apparently._

Lylas notes which led her to Russia, months later, Deadshots capture.

His first weeks in custody of A.R.G.U.S. glowing reports following his suicide squad missions.

 

She knew way too much about him now, and yet, she still didn’t know how it started. She didn’t know his origins.

 

The loss of his son led to a marked increase in brutal, hands on kills. He left his daughter to keep her safe. He tattooed names on his body She knew why he kept a vest on when the other guys trained shirtless _Andrew Diggle._

 

_What the hell is going on with him and John?_

 

Lawton killed Andy, they all knew it, he freely admitted it. Why was he so… subdued around John? He’s never expressed remorse over any kills but faced with John, he’s what? Shy?

 

They’d had a few minor arguments since he arrived in their basement but Lawton always backed off first.

 

“Ms. Lance?”

 

_Waller_

 

“Yes?”

 

“Have you finished?”

 

“I have”

 

“Are you happy to retain Mr Lawtons services?”

 

_Am I? How can I reconcile these kills by a man who spends his life solo, with the man who smirks and drawls and actually kinda fits our team? Do I trust him? Should I?_

 

“Yeah. Yeah I am.”

 

“Good. Turner was just shot, he’s in surgery at our facility in Beijing, he’ll need a few months of Physiotherapy, we’ll fly him home in a few weeks. You’re limited to Lawton's services for the time being.”

 

_Wonderful_

 

Her visit to A.R.G.U.S. was over and done within one, very long, day but she’d told Ollie she needed a few nights off and she intended to take them. Curl up at home. Think.

 

She thought about Oliver. She had tried so hard to push him, to plan their futures. She really expected to marry him. Those 5 years had changed so much of him, he was harder, darker, damaged of course. But the best parts of him from before, the sudden, genuine laughter, the rare glimpses of kindness without agenda. The man he was when he dropped the dumbass playboy act, his time on the island had brought so much of that out in him. He grew up. All on his own.

She saw how he looked at Felicity when he thought no one could see. Like he was seeing sunlight after years of winter. She figured if he hadn’t come to his senses by Christmas, she’d join forces with John and force the issue. Felicity was great for him, supportive but not afraid to knock sense into him. Accepting of his flaws but wouldn’t ever let him wallow in them. 

 

When Oliver first came back, she’d been so mad at him she could hardly stand it, but at the same time, the love of her life had risen from the dead.

 

Tommy had been a blessing. They were good together. She made a mistake with Oliver, but they would have gotten past it. She knew that. She missed him, wished she could just sit down and have one last conversation. Apologise, thank him, yell at him for being so damn stupid coming to get her like that. She still physically felt the grief she’d lost herself in if she thought about him too much. She wasn’t grieving for their past, she was grieving for the futures they’d both lost. The house they wouldn’t buy together, the proposal that would never happen, the white dress she’d never own, the bachelor party he’d never live to forget. The kids, the PTA meetings, Christmases, birthdays, trips they’d never take, silly arguments they’d never have. A shared life she could see, feel, with as much clarity as the brief time they’d actually had together.

 

Could Lawton see his alternate futures? Did he see his son grown? Himself in an office, the weight of a rifle foreign to his hands? Did he see all his lost futures when his eye took on a vacant stare and she could see he was no longer with them in his thoughts?

 

Why was she so hung up on him after one week? 

 

When she was younger, she loved watching The Breakfast Club. She’d been a big fan of the unlikely relationship that sparked between high school queen bee and the bad boy from the wrong side of the tracks. The antagonising behaviour on both sides, the outbursts, the sudden depth to both characters once they started looking beyond the one dimensional labels they’d been stuck with.

Then one scene, that laid the course for her entire love live so far, when Judd Nelson suddenly smiled at Molly Ringwald, a really genuine smile, just for a second. She’d broken through his shell and gotten something genuine directed at her in return. He’d dropped the shields just for her, if only for a moment. Teenage girls the world over will follow bad boys across hot coals for _that_ smile.

 

Clearly, she’d never matured beyond John Hughes movies.

 

She’d never, ever told Lawton off for calling her Princess.

 

* * *

 

She returned to the Foundry as promised. She teamed up with Lawton again, but with a considered distance between them. 

They worked well together and she started bringing him lunch instead of John or Roy. She dropped it and left, no small talk. After 3 weeks of this, she agreed to his daily offer to train with her.

 

She stood in the centre of the mats, run capris and vest top in place of leather, facing Lawton, barefoot, loose track pants and his standard white vest. Oliver stood to one side, arms crossed frown firmly in place, Felicity stood next to him, chewing her bottom lip and glancing between the mats and Oliver nervously. Roy sat on the bottom stair, watching.

 

“You want me to go easy on you, Princess?”

 

“Thats not a favour I’d return”

 

He let out a bark of laughter, loud, head thrown back.

 

“Want to set up a safe word? Could be all kinds of useful…” _So we’re back to innuendo as our native language then_

 

She worked better on the defence. She was usually at a weight and height disadvantage so relied on using her assailants momentum against them in order to gain the upper hand. Lawton knew this so wouldn’t attack.

 

She ran towards him, feinted left then swung right. He blocked her punch to his ribs easily, wrapped his right hand round her throat and lifted her up slightly before slamming her down onto the mat, hand tightening around her throat. The wind was knocked out of her and his hand around her throat slowed her recovery.

“You might want to avoid head on attacks in future Darlin’, You’re not good at them”

 

He released her throat and she got to her feet, slowly.

 

_If I can get behind him_

 

Two failed attempts later, she decided she needed a new tactic.

 

She thought for a moment that she could walk right up to him, hands to his face as though she was going to kiss him, then knee him in the stomach but the thought of her hands sliding up his jawline, leaning in, imagining him looking down at her, lips parted, eyes darkened. She felt her stomach drop through the floor. The bolt of longing that thudded through her stopped her in her tracks. She could feel a blush rise in her cheeks.

 

“This is ridiculous, I never attack first, ever. Why aren’t we working on defence? Thats what I need!”

 

Lawton moved towards her then with a left hook she barely ducked, twisting as she popped back up, turned so her back was against him, intending to let his left arm carry round, use his motion to flip him over her left shoulder but he clamped his left arm tight across her chest pulling her flush against him _I should not be this turned on by being manhandled by a killer with an eyepatch_ she let herself go to a dead weight, hoping to throw his balance off but he caught himself too quickly, kicking one leg over her falling form to hold her weight.

 

_I can’t concentrate, this is ridiculous. You’re a cops daughter. You’ve had self defence training since you were in elementary school. He should not be able to pin me_

 

_God! Stop thinking about his weight on you_

 

 _S_ he was about to tap out to begin the embarrassment which round 5 was sure to be when Diggle entered and descended the stairs.

 

“Lawton! The hell are you doing?”

 

Lawton relaxed his grip on Laurel, releasing her completely when she’d found firm footing and stepped away from her but he didn’t defend or explain himself, simply took the glare John was directing his way.

 

“He’s training with me. Clearly I’m having an off day”

 

“You think an accidental kill will satisfy you? Step the fuck off” John was furious. He’d never let his rage regarding Lawton rise to the surface, in the last month he’d managed to keep a pretty tight lid on it but coming to his second home, seeing his friend in a choke hold, struggling with the man that killed his brother… 

 

“John, I’m fine, we were just training. Clearly I need it, I’ve not managed to land a single hit!”

 

“And I’m sure he just loved that” John was still glaring at Lawton who remained silent, arms dropped, posture non threatening watching John warily _Why the hell isn’t he defending himself?_

 

“Digg. It really was ok” Felicity had stepped towards him, breaking the staring match he’d been having with Lawton.

 

Oliver nodded once at Digg’s silent request for confirmation.

 

Oliver's phone rang, breaking the tension, he glanced at caller ID, then met Laurels eyes as he answered “Detective Lance. What can I help you with?”

 

* * *

 

Her Dad had been calling for a little extra support for a raid on a known drug dealers base. SCPD was still very short staffed with more than half the force dead, injured or stuck on a desk while the department wide psych evaluations were being carried out to clear them for active duty.

 

She again pared with Lawton, silently falling into their usual routine sweeps of the building they intended to use as a vantage point,  Dig had taken a similar point facing the back of the building SCDP were preparing to infiltrate, Roy was in the back alley they had identified as a possible escape route, Felicity had also donned the Canary guise tonight _“I need to keep up my training”_ and was in the alley with Roy, while Oliver met her Dad and the small raid team at the end of the street.

 

Lawton had been quiet since John’s verbal attack earlier, she felt sorry for him

 

_Because pity is what all assassin friends need. Jesus Lance… Lets mix this up_

 

“You all set?”

 

Lawton looked up, surprised.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Good, I’m going down to follow Ollie in.” she stepped towards the zip line they’d set up earlier

 

“What? Thought you were babysitting?”

 

“I trust you” and she slid down the zip line

 

* * *

 

The raid went smoothly, _as smooth as they ever go,_ and Lawton met them on the ground as soon as Oliver gave the word to stand down.

 

Digg said his goodbyes and headed for home, via a midnight craving run Lyla had texted him, Roy pocketed his mask and headed for the Glades.

 

Oliver spent entirely too long checking over a jubilant Felicity _“I knocked a guy out! Straight out cold!”_ before insisting he walk her back to her apartment building. Before they left, Laurel motioned for Oliver to come over, out of earshot of Felicity.

 

“Hey, you ok to drop Lawton off?”

 

“Yeah thats not what I wanted to talk to you about”

 

Oliver's brow was barely visible under the mask and hood but she could see the question on his face regardless.

 

“Felicity’s in a really good mood”

 

“Yeah, I know. She did good tonight, handled herself well…”

 

“I think you should give her a reason to keep smiling”

 

“What?”

 

“Don’t be an idiot Queen. You love each other, you work together, she knows every part of your life and she’s out here taking down bad guys with the rest of us so don’t give me your ‘I’ll endanger her’ bullshit, ok? The only thing hurting her is the distance you keep putting between you.”

 

She turned towards her fellow Canary

 

“Felicity! Late breakfast tomorrow? Meet at mine?”

 

“Sure, 11ish?”

 

She nodded and waved, giving a final stern look to Oliver and walking to meet Lawton, who evidently heard every word.

 

“Counsellor really is a catch all job description for you isn’t it?”

 

“Shut up.”

 


	6. Morality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike. - Oscar Wilde

Instead of dropping Lawton at the door and going immediately home, she asks if she can come down, if he could show her some offensive manoeuvres.

 

She was exiting the bathroom in her workout gear from earlier, dropping her Canary uniform on the edge of Felicity’s desk.

 

“I don’t understand the way you get around John”

 

“And how exactly do I ‘get’ around John?”

 

She met his glare head on. “Submissive.”

 

“Wanna repeat that darlin’?” Lawton's voice had become dangerously low

 

“You play at goading him, but you never cross the line, you don’t even get near it. As soon as he starts to become genuinely irritated you back off. Me, Lyla, Roy? You don’t stop until we knock you on your ass.”

 

“Sweetheart, you ain’t ever knocked me on my ass”

 

Laurel had dropped to floor and swiped his legs out from under him before he’d drawn breath

 

She glared down at him, not moving out of the way before he dug his fingers into the back of her knee, sending her down to the floor beside him. Laurel threw out her right fist as she went down glancing the side of his head, Lawton grabbed her wrist and rolled until he had her pinned to the floor

 

“Why don’t you ever throw Andy in his face? You never mention it. You’re a complete bastard to everyone else but you give John a wide berth. Why?”

 

Lawton's one remaining eye held enough contempt for both of them, his full body weight was pressing her into the mat, the anger in his face preventing her from revisiting her earlier daydreams, he leaned in closer, voice quiet

 

“We both know I killed his brother. You think he needs reminded? Do you? Have you forgotten I’m a killer?” He brushed the tip of his nose along her cheek “You started thinking I’m one of the team? You think I wouldn’t have shot you all if it weren’t for this bomb on my spine?”

 

Laurel shifted her hips to wrap her legs around his waist, the movement surprising him, she kicked her heels into the back of his knees, forcing him to pull his weight back and lift his head enough for her to slam her forehead into his nose. He released her wrists, rearing back to grasp his nose, Laurel followed, using their combined momentum to roll them back, sitting on top of him she pressed her forearm into his throat.

 

“I think you’ll stay in line bomb or no bomb as long as Waller has your daughters address. Don’t threaten us. We all know you’ve been neutered”

 

Pressing down on his throat just a little harder, she stepped off of Lawton and headed for the stairs, leaving him laying on the mats, wondering who the hell told her about his daughter.

 

* * *

 

She had left Verdant and gone straight home. Something about Lawton just pressed her buttons. The slightest comment from him, a smirk at the wrong time, or a chuckle out of context and she was ready to rip his head off and yet when she wasn’t face to face with him, all she felt was sympathy, curiosity, maybe some pity.

 

He wasn’t careful with them. He called Oliver an orphan, made cracks about his mother, embarrassed Felicity _gently_ on a near daily basis…

 

_“Blondie would love to help you with your Arrow Queen”_

_“You kiss your mother with that mouth, oh wait…”_

_“Any chance red riding hood gets eaten by the big bad wolf tonight?”_

_“Damn Michaels, how many you havin?”_

_“Whats wrong counsellor? Date not go well? You didn’t drop a building on this one too?_

 

But never John. He never even disagreed with him. She rolled over in bed to check the time on her phone.

 

_4am… screw it_

 

Laurel threw back the covers and swung her legs out of bed. Lawton was going to drive her crazy. _I’ve half a mind to jam an arrow in his other eye_ she stomped around her apartment, grabbing boots and a coat to throw over her shorts and T-shirt. She continued stomping all the way to her car, slamming the door behind her and revving the engine more than was strictly necessary. As she pulled up to Verdant she realised she actually had no idea why she was there.

 

The heavy metal door swung open and she wasn't gentle about closing it _Terribly sorry to wake you asshole_ Lawton was armed and approaching the foot of the stairs before she was halfway down them

 

“The fuck are you doing here? You know what time it is?”

 

“Why aren’t you nastier to John?”

 

Lawton’s jaw dropped, incredulous “You got issues princess”

 

“I just want to know if you’re capable of feeling remorse”

 

“Why?”

 

She stilled, halting her approach “I don’t know…”

 

Lawton paused, sighed, turned from her, walked over to Felicity’s desk and pulled out a chair. Silent for a moment, staring at the ground, frowning… _trying to put his thoughts in order, I guess_

 

“I lost my brother too. We were close, I idolised him. I can see my loss in John…doesn’t help that he’s a decent guy.” He paused “You know, I can justify killing almost anyone.”

At Laurels raised eyebrow he continued

 

“No ones ever innocent, theres just a sliding scale of guilty and I never cared as long as I got paid. My father was a rat bastard. A mean drunk and even worse sober. Beat every one of us, his kids, his wife….”

 

“Is that how your brother died?” Laurel couldn’t keep the shock out of her voice

 

“No, but thats _why_ my brother died.” 

 

a beat 

 

“I shot him”

 

 

For a stunned second Laurel was frozen, sympathy still written on her face, before cold began to flood her.

_He’s a cold blooded killer. How did I forget that? He killed his own brother. Can I outrun him? What the hell am I doing alone in a basement with this man?_

 

“You killed your own brother?”

 

“It was an accident. I was aiming for my old man from a tree across the yard… the branch broke… I hit him instead”

 

_All the times he insisted he never misses_

 

“I thought you never missed?”

 

Anger returned, Deadshot stood up and was in front of her before she could step back

 

“And now you know why. You think any of us were born like this? Were you? You grow up intending to be an alcoholic in fancy dress who beats up criminals?”

 

Laurels heart rate had increased since Floyd invaded her space, but that didn’t stop the rage she felt at his casual dismissal of the Canary

 

“You really think you can justify killing anyone? Go on, kill me. What am I guilty of?”

 

“Shut. Up.” voice so low he was almost growling at her

 

“Come on, I want to know. How would you convince yourself I needed to die? Would it depend on how much you were paid? How much would it take for you to not even care, to not need an excuse!”

 

She had started yelling at some point… Lawton grabbed her shoulders and shoved her back against the side of the salmon ladder.

 

Laurel froze, she could feel his breath, in angry bursts on her face as he closed the gap - 

 

“I wouldn’t”

 

His lips were on her, rough, demanding, she couldn’t think. Her arms moved up around his neck of their own accord, pulling him closer. She could match his fury, his force. Her fingers tugged harshly on his hair and she couldn’t help the smirk that crossed her face at his moan.

 

One hand was in her hair, the other sliding down her side to the hem of her coat. When he reached the bare skin of her leg he pulled back long enough to grab the back of her thighs and hoist her up, legs wrapping around his waist, his hands moving between them to unbutton her coat, she shrugged the coat off, letting it fall to the floor, arms moving back around his neck, rocking her hips into him, the bolts on the side of the salmon ladder digging into her back…

 

“Wait!”

 

Lawton stilled, panting hard, one hand on her hip, the other brushing her hair off her face.

She was flushed, breathing hard and so completely turned on she wasn’t sure how she’d fare if he decided to put her down

 

He was staring at her, waiting for an explanation 

 

“This is a really bad idea, we don’t even like each other!”

 

His eyebrow raised he rolled his hips forward, pressing the full length of his erection against her. She bit back a moan and tried to keep her eyes open

 

“All evidence to the contrary darlin”

 

_I just need to catch my breath, I can’t think when he’s looking at me like that….God I want this…_

 

Her breath still ragged she stared at Lawton a beat longer, assessing him, the likelihood this was a plot of his.

 

_The hell with it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reviewing, it's much appreciated x


	7. When You Don't Have To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it. - Oscar Wilde

 

She’d never liked that ringtone. The fact that it was currently responsible for waking her only increased her animosity towards it.

 

“Hello?” she snapped, without looking at caller ID

 

_“Laurel? Where are you, I thought we were having breakfast?”_

 

_Dammit_

 

“Sorry Felicity I… woke up early and came to Verdant to work out, I didn’t get much sleep last night” _well that part’s true_ “thought I’d be back in time, I’m just going to hop in the shower, I have spare clothes here, I can meet you at the pastry cafe in… 40 minutes?”

 

_“Sure, yeah, no problem! See you then, bye”_

 

_Well she sounded chipper, guess I wasn’t the only one to change sleeping arrangements last night_

 

She hadn’t felt Floyd move a muscle while she was on the phone, but she doubted he was still sleeping

 

_I’m not that lucky_

 

“Morning sweetheart” came the familiar drawl, muffled by his pillow.

 

“Um… morning, I need to go, I’m meeting Felicity for breakfast… so… I’m just going to…”

 

“Run off?”

 

“No I’m not running off” 

 

_I’m showering first, which makes it a completely different thing_

 

“Think she’d mind if I came along?”

 

The horror on her face not easily hidden, she could only gape as he laughed at her reaction

 

“Jesus calm down. Not a word, go have breakfast.” 

 

Floyd rolled back over and gave Laurel a decent view of a particularly nasty scratch she’d inflicted some time that morning

 

_Probably best I get showered and dressed… and put a safe distance between me and this bed…_

 

* * *

 

Laurel made it to the cafe with damp hair and all of 30 seconds to spare, finding a positively giddy but nervous Felicity in their usual table by the rear exit, the chairs were arranged so that between them they could see all entrances, their training becoming second nature.

 

“Morning, so sorry, I thought I’d be home in time”

 

“Oh, no thats totally ok, I mean I was a little late anyway. Just because I slept in, not because I was doing anything. I wasn’t. Doing anything I mean, while I was sleeping…”

 

_Okay… so Oliver didn’t make it home last night_

 

Despite leaving half her brain power in Floyd Lawton's bed and being more than a little worried there would be consequences, she was genuinely happy for Felicity

 

“Laurel, there’s something… I mean, I just wondered if you would be ok…”

 

“Didn’t Oliver tell you I spoke to him last night?”

 

Felicity let out the breath she’d been holding, relief washing over her.

 

“Yes but I wanted to… check?”

 

“Frankly I’m surprised it took this long, I thought Slade Wilson would have tipped him over the edge. He’s quite the masochist.”

 

The rest of breakfast was spent recounting Felicity’s evening with Oliver, they’d talked all night fallen asleep together and were planning on a quiet date tonight, could Laurel cover the Foundry solo, just in case?

 

“Sure, everyones supposed to have tonight off anyway, nothing planned” She forced a smile on to her face.

 

_Just me and Floyd._

 

_In a basement._

 

_Alone._

 

“Speaking of the Foundry, I better go take Floyd something to eat”

 

“What?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Did you just call him Floyd?”

 

“Yeah… I call him many names. None that are appropriate for a classy patisserie in the middle of Sunday brunch”

 

Felicity seemed to accept that answer and Laurel wished her good luck on her date as she headed to the amazing Deli at the edge of the Glades.

 

_Why do I know what sandwich he prefers? I could just grab him a generic pre packaged sandwich from the little grocers which was actually on my way, instead I’m going 3 blocks in the other direction._

 

_Bribing him, clearly. Maybe if he’s well fed he won’t give me too much hassle about last night… or tell anyone._

 

* * *

 

She’d been at the door to the Foundry for almost 3 minutes now. Trying to run though any possible conversations they might have. It’s how she prepared for cases, imagining opposing counsels arguments so she already had an answer ready but that particular skill was failing her.

 

_Probably because the last time you went down here to ‘talk’ you managed to lose your clothes._

 

Annoyed with herself, she pulled open the door and headed down the stairs.

 

“Fl..Lawton?”

 

“Flawton? Really? You couldn’t be bothered with the ‘oyd’ in the middle?”

 

“I brought you lunch. You have the night off”

 

“Really? Where’s our fearless leader?”

 

“Social engagement.”

 

He laughed at that. “Took your advice then did he?”

 

She ducked her head to avoid smiling at him, but couldn’t keep the amusement out of her voice. “Yep, I guess he did.”

 

“So where will you be?” He asked as he took a bite of the sandwich he’d been handed.

 

“What?” She waited for him to swallow

 

“Tonight. When Oliver’s on his date with Blondie. I know Roy and John already had the night off.”

 

“I’ll be here for a bit, monitoring the scanners. Then I’ll head home. Sara gave me a book right after I got fired for DUI and my little pill habit. Still haven’t gotten round to reading it.”

 

“What’s the book?”

 

She looked up. “It’s an essay called ‘The Decay of Lying’”

 

“You a fan of Oscar Wilde?

 

She was more than a little surprised. “You’ve heard of it?”

 

“Yeah, I _can_ read y’know? It follows the Socratic dialogues, if you enjoy it you should pick up his other essays, maybe some Plato. Never did see the point in books that don’t make you think. You should never end a book the same person you started it as.”

 

Laurel was slack jawed, staring openly at the man in front of her. The assassin who read Plato, sitting in track pants, eating a sandwich less than 4 hours after she fled his bed. Giving her advice on further reading. _I’ve truly lost control of my life choices_

 

He’d finished his sandwich, scrunched up the wrapper and walked over to her “Gonna catch flies darlin” he said, lowly as he lifted a hand to her chin to push her mouth closed. His index finger remained under her chin, his thumb coming round to brush over her bottom lip. There were only inches between them.

 

_I really should stop this. Last night was an anomaly, thats all. Not the start of a pattern._

 

This time when he kissed her it was slow, leisurely. No force. No anger. It was… gentle. He nudged her slightly towards the desk, lifting her to sit on the edge as he stepped between her legs. His hands had remained at her neck and her shoulder, he wasn’t trying to escalate anything, he was just kissing her.

 

Laurel relaxed into him, sliding her hands up the front of his vest, over the muscles defined by learning to kill people for money. And she didn’t care.

 

_It’s been so long since kissing was just kissing. Once you’re out of high school, kissing was just a step to sex, never just because you enjoyed the other persons lips on yours and that was enough. I didn’t realise how much I missed it._

 

Lawton was pulling away from her gently, ending one long kiss with shorter nudging kisses before stopping to rest his head against hers breathing lightly

 

She had no idea what to say. _What the hell am I doing?_

 

Lawton spoke first

 

“Maybe you could read here tonight?”

 

“Read?” _Never heard that euphemism before_

 

“Yeah, read. I’d like the company. Even if company was silent.”

 

_Well now that's a bad idea_

 

“Sure”

 

* * *

 

Laurel had gone to her apartment for a change of clothes and picked up the book from Sara. Pausing, she went to her bookcase, law books on the first two shelves, the rest were fiction. She’d actually double majored as an undergrad in English Literature and Law, so her shelves were well stocked.

 

_Is bringing him a book weird? Not like he has anything else to do while we’re at our regular jobs for the day._

 

Andrei Bely - Petersburg _Hmm maybe he’s had enough of Russia._ She’d heard Johns version of that meeting

 

She grabbed The Iliad and The Odyssey. Her second copy of The Odyssey in fact. Oliver had never returned her first copy. She paused over The Picture of Dorian Grey. 

 

_Will he think I’m making a point? That trading his soul for money earned killing was rotting him and one day he’d have to face it?_

 

She grabbed the book.

 

_Let him think that_

 

* * *

 

She left the scanners tuned in and turned up while she sprawled on the mat with her book open in font of her. Lawton had grabbed The Iliad and shocked her once again _“Aeschylus made good use of this when he wrote his Orestiean trilogy”_ Of course he’d read Greek Tragedies… _Why am I even surprised?_ before heading for a seldom used couch tucked into a dark corner of the basement.

 

She took her time with the essay, pausing to think as she read the dialogues. It was a comfortable silence.

 

Until the police scanner crackled to life

 

A robbery interrupted was now a hostage situation, one gunman, one student on a late night munchies run, a waitress pulling the nightshift and a short order cook barricaded inside a little diner not too far from the Big Belly Burger

 

She raised her head to catch Lawtons eye the silent conversation taking only a second

_“Wanna go?” “Yep”_

 

They had suited up and were opposite the diner in 15 minutes flat

 

“Do you think you could hit him from here?”

 

Lawton eyed the diner, blinds were down but open, the robber was standing behind his 3 hostages who had been lined up at the counter.

 

“I don’t have a clean shot”

 

“Fancy getting your hands dirty?”

 

He raised an eyebrow in her direction

 

“I’ll distract him you sneak up behind him? The police have only two men on the back entrance and they’re trying the diplomatic solution out front. Pretty sure I can sweet talk my way past two police officers”

 

He nodded. “After you”

 

Laurel didn’t need to sweet talk anyone in the end, the officers saw her coming and waved her right on through, the back door hadn’t even been locked so she and Lawton entered and split up, Lawton headed for the kitchen, she paused and then threw open the door to the diner with a bang, as the robber turned to aim his gun at her Lawton fired once through the serving hatch, hitting him in the neck with the tranq darts he’d been supplied for his wrist guns. 

Laurel untied the shaking hostages as Lawton waved in the cops and they snuck out as the police flooded in.

 

They headed back to the Foundry on foot, in silence and the door had barely shut behind them before Laurel was tugging his tactical vest off and he had thrown her wig to the ground. 

 

 

 


	8. An Admirable Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.  
> \- Oscar Wilde

On the surface, nothing had changed. When Oliver, Felicity, John or Roy were present, she and Floyd were cordial but distant.

She brought him his lunch at the same time each day, but now she took her full lunch hour and she kissed him goodbye.

They hadn’t trained together in front of the others since John’s outburst, afraid it would be obvious they were no longer unfamiliar with each others touch.

Nights spent patrolling the City together ended in his bed. She knew every name etched onto his body by heart. 

 

Towards the end of his second month with them, he became sullen. He snapped at Felicity, didn’t read any of the books she brought him and when she tried to kiss him good-bye after a near silent lunch break, he turned away.

 

“What the hell is wrong with you Lawton?”

 

“None of your business”

 

“I’m making it my business”

 

“You’ve got no right to -“

 

“The hell I don’t” she interrupted, “I spend more time in your bed than my own. That makes you my business!”

 

The look on his face was pure frustration as he continued to glare at her a few seconds longer. Finally he gave in.

 

“It’s Zoe’s birthday tomorrow”

 

“Ok” Laurel didn’t understand why this had sent him into such a foul mood. They didn’t have any contact, he was pretty sure Michelle told their daughter he was dead and explained the trust away as his life insurance.

 

“Michelle always posts a few pictures to a PO box in Blüdhaven after her birthday. I’m not going to be able to get them. She visits her Aunt in Central City around her birthday too, she’s probably there now and I’m stuck here.”

 

_Well that, I can fix_

 

“Ok.” Laurel nodded once and reached for her phone, hitting speedial “Hi, Adam, it’s Laurel, listen I think I’ve lost this round of lunch time deli roulette, would you mind if I took the rest of today off, maybe tomorrow too?”

Lawton frowned at her, she knew what he was thinking, that she was taking time off to coddle him. _Wrong_

 

“Yeah, thanks Adam, if I’m not in tomorrow I’ll see you Monday”

 

She hung up and turned to Lawton.

 

“Pack a bag, 10 minutes.”

 

“What?”

 

“You want to go to Central City or not? Get a move on, next train is in an hour and I’ll need to stop at my apartment.”

 

“You really think Waller’s gonna approve us skipping town for the weekend?”

 

“Waller has no say while you’re here. Get a move on.”

 

She lifted the phone to her ear a second time

 

“Amanda Waller please, It’s Laurel Lance.”

 

* * *

 

They’d found their seats on the train and were already leaving the edges of Starling City before Floyd managed to question her.

 

“So how’d you get over The Wall?”

 

“I told her you’d earned a favour and that I’d check in twice a day so she could be sure you hadn’t murdered me. I told Digg and Oliver I was taking you back to A.R.G.U.S. for a physical, which is actually where we’re going on the way back, so, technically not a lie.” She smiled at him.

 

He returned her smile “Thank you”

 

“No problem”

 

* * *

 

“Floyd”

 

“Mhmmm?”

 

“Floyd! You’re going to be late” She’d been having the same conversation with him on and off since they entered the motel room. He was currently kissing a path down her throat.

 

“Floyd!”

 

“Oh alright. You know you’re more fun in basements princess” He didn’t even try to duck the pillow she threw.

 

She watched him dress. “So what do you normally do? Do you watch from across the street? Or follow them…?”

 

“There’s an office building opposite her Aunts apartment, pretty close too. I break in, find a good vantage point and hope no one closes the curtains.”

 

It sounded tragic. Getting so little of his daughters life and even then only at a distance.

 

“You wanna come with?”

 

She hadn’t expected that. It sounded intensely personal and despite all the time they spent sneaking around, she’d never assumed they were anything more than tentative friends with exceptional benefits.

 

“You don’t have to invite me, I trust you to come back”

 

“Not why I’m inviting you”

 

_Friends do this. Friends attend each others children's birthday parties. Thats all this is_

 

* * *

 

Breaking into the building was simple. _Dad would be so proud_ He never left any trace so they never had any reason to alter their security.

As they settled onto a couch they’d pulled in front of the window of the darkened office, Laurel sent a quick text to Waller _‘Your fears were valid. I am in fact, dead. Further info on my new existence as a corpse to follow’_ She’d never say anything like that to her face. Floyd must be rubbing off on her.

Floyd wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her back to lean against him, handing her a spare scope with his free hand. “Same level as us, 4th window from the left”

 

It took her a few seconds to adjust to looking through the scope but finally found the window he was talking about. The little girl looked to be around 9 or 10, pale, freckled, strawberry blonde hair. At first glance she supposed she had taken after her mother, but then she noticed the eyes, the nose in profile. His smile on his daughters face.

 

“She’s adorable”

 

“Yeah” his voice was soft, he didn’t say anything else.

 

They didn’t leave until Zoe had hugged two women goodnight and moved to a room at the back of the building. Laurel hadn’t needed to ask which one was her Mother. She’d been the one to stop the curtains being closed, to sweep their level of the building frequently without ever seeing them. She suspected he’d be there and wouldn’t deny him.

 

Floyd put both scopes in his jacket pocket without making any move to leave the couch. She was content to let him sit a while longer. It would be another year before he saw her again.

 

“Thank you. For clearing this with Waller.”

 

She twisted in her seat to kiss him in response. “We can come back tomorrow night too. We’re not needed at A.R.G.U.S. until Saturday afternoon.”

 

“No, one night’s enough. Two is pushing my luck. Anyone could be following me”

 

“Ok. Then we’ll go to Blüdhaven tomorrow.”

 

“What for?”

 

“To put my apartment as forwarding address on your PO box.”

 

* * *

 

They’d left Central City early Friday morning and caught another train to Blüdhaven, stopping in at the post office to update his details and have his mail forwarded indefinitely while Laurel booked them into a hotel this time, a nice one.

 

They met for lunch, walked around the marina with their arms wrapped around each other like they were a normal couple on a weekend get away. He dragged her into the whaling museum and she challenged him to find a single restaurant in town without organised crime connections. They’d locked themselves in their room by 8pm after he’d tipped the bellboy to go out and find non alcoholic champagne to go with the strawberries on their room service order.

 

Sometime around 1am she woke on the rug in front of the fire wrapped in the sheets they’d tugged off the bed. Floyd was sitting with his back to her, the lining of the glove for his wrist mounted guns turned inside out, exposing a secret pouch, next to him. She couldn’t see what he was looking at.

 

“Hey” she said, stroking a hand up his exposed back “Can’t sleep?”

 

“Nah I slept for a bit. I was just… thinking”

 

“Anything in particular?” She’d wriggled closer to him so she was now curved around the base of his spine, fluffing the pillows to lift her head up higher

 

“My son… I only have this one picture of him”

 

… _I got nothing. I have no idea what to say to a man who lost his son like that_

 

“I have a handful of photos of Zoe, one of him… thats it. The only other photographic proof of my life is mugshots.”

 

Laurel craned her neck to look behind her, spotting her bag and dragging it over without having to break contact with Floyd. She raked through the bag, sitting up when she found what she needed. She sat up then, letting the sheet fall, tucking her chin over Floyds shoulder and encircling him with her arms as she held the camera phone at arms length, taking the photo as Floyd laughed at her.

 

She lay back down, looking at the photo. It was pretty good. They were both smiling, their faces filling the screen, bare shoulders just in frame. He was looking at the camera, she was looking at him, her nose brushing his cheek, softly lit by the glow of the fireplace, both of them sporting sex mussed hair.

 

“You show me yours…” Floyd nudged her and she turned the screen to face him. He smiled. “You should keep that”

 

“I intend to” as she pressed save

 

He moved to lie behind her and pulled the covers round them as she snuggled back into him. He held a photo of a young boy in front of them. He couldn’t have been more than 5.

 

“Eddie. Edward” 

 

She turned in his arms to face him “I’m so sorry Floyd” her hand had moved without giving much thought to the name she knew was across his right ribs _Wes Anselm._

 

*

 

An hour later he’d drifted off, Laurel was still awake, thinking. About Floyd, about his brother, his son, his daughter. She was already in too deep.

 

_We’re not friends anymore_

 


	9. A Gentleman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.
> 
> \- Oscar Wilde

Lawton’s physical took most of Saturday afternoon. While she waited, Laurel continued reading up on prospective drafts from the Suicide Squad to team Arrow, so far she agreed with Lyla. Ben Turner was the most appropriate transfer after Floyd.

She didn’t fully understand his motivations, she couldn’t tell why he had become an assassin. He came from a good background, didn’t need the money. There was a sealed report from sometime before his 16th birthday but Waller had refused to unlock the file so Laurel supposed she’d just have to go the old fashioned route and ask him herself sometime.

Eventually a guard knocked on the glass pane separating her from the medical ward and motioned for her to come through.

She was greeted by Dr. Peril

“Hello Ms. Lance, I’m just finishing up some paperwork and then they’re free to go.”

 

“They?”

 

“Yes, Ben Turner was given an experimental treatment we recovered from Star Labs. He’s recovered from the shooting with barely a scar. Waller didn’t tell you?”

 

“No. No, she didn’t.” _Not a word, actually._

 

Peril left her to finish filing his report, muttering something about Waller being too precious with her information.

 

Ben Turner was leaving with them today, which means he’d be out in the field with them within the next week and most certainly staying at the Foundry from tonight.

Whatever she and Lawton had, there was no way for it to continue.

 

* * *

 

The drive back to Starling City was unsurprisingly quiet. Ben didn’t care much for small talk and she and Lawton couldn’t say anything they needed to say in front of company.

 

She didn’t bother telling Turner to don a hood before they pulled up to Verdant, too lost in her thoughts to consider it.

 

Waller had at least thought to let Oliver know Turner was en route, as the whole team had assembled for their arrival.

 

Laurel drifted down the stairs, half heartedly returning Felicity’s greeting and pulling up a chair as Ben was given ground rules and a tour. Besides catching Floyd's eye once as she had arrived at Verdant, she’d not so much as looked at him since they left A.R.G.U.S. and she was afraid to now. 

 

Oliver and Digg were going to patrol later with Felicity monitoring from the basement. Ben was going out with Roy to get the lay of the land from the ground and Laurel had most Sunday nights off to have dinner with her Dad. Lawton had been given the night off too but would be spending it in his room in the basement.

 

She left the basement without a backward glance.

 

* * *

 

“Evening sweetheart” Quentin Lance had entered his daughters apartment with two pizzas and a few non alcoholic beers.

 

“Hi Dad, how’s work?”

 

She managed to pay enough attention to feign interest at the appropriate points while her Dad talked about how great it was having his full shield back and how strained the department was.

 

“How’s the new Canary getting on?” He was at the door, shrugging his jacket on, empty pizza boxes under his arm to drop in the garbage on his way out.

 

“She’s good Dad, Sara’s alter ego was left in safe hands” Laurel had lied to her Dad while he was still in hospital, saying Felicity alone had decided to pick up the Canary mantel. Quentin had a bit of a soft spot for Felicity and always asked after her.

 

“I heard she’s dating Queen now.” _Ah, the disapproving Dad face now has three targets. Cute_

 

“Yeah, about a month now.”

 

“What does he think of her running around the streets at night?”

 

“What makes you think he knows?”

 

Quentin raised an eyebrow at his daughter but let the matter drop. It was unspoken between them, but Laurel knew her Dad had realised Oliver was the Arrow right around the time Sara reappeared but refused to acknowledge it. It was ridiculous really but if he was happier not saying it out loud who was she to burst his bubble?

 

Her phone flashed, text message from Felicity. _‘Sorry to interrupt. Lawton has asked for a free hour, wants to go for a walk. What do you think? (Say hi to Quentin)’_

 

She leaned in to hug her Dad goodbye and close the door before replying. ‘ _Dad just left, let him go, probably ok but I’ll head out with him just in case, be there in 10’_

 

Something told her he’d only be walking to her apartment anyway.

 

* * *

 

She met him at the door to Verdant and they walked in silence to her car. She wasn’t sure where she intended to go but they wound up back at her apartment.

 

He followed her up the stairs and through her front door. As soon as it was closed he kissed her like they’d been separated for a lot longer than one evening.

 

She broke the kiss first.

 

“I thought… I don’t know, I thought we’d just be… done. Now that you have a permanent room mate.”

 

“That what you want?”

 

“I didn’t think I’d get an option. I mean, we’re just fooling around, right?”

 

“No.” He’d answered before she’d finished.

 

A grin split her face “You sure? I”m a big girl Floyd, I won’t cry if you say it’s just sex.”

 

“It’s not, for either of us. We’ll work something out. Just keep everything normal, come by for lunch but start bringing something for Ben, we’ll pair up on jobs whenever we can and if this is the start of me earning a little free time… we’ll manage.”

She was relieved. She doubted he’d show a fling the only photo of his murdered son, or take a one night stand to his only night a year with his daughter but it was nice to have it acknowledged.

 

“You know…” she slid her hands inside his jacket, pushing it off his shoulders “we’ve got a whole 45 minutes left before I need to get you back home…”

 

* * *

 

_This is actual torture_

 

Laurel was in an incredibly bad mood. Sneaking around and quick stolen kisses had lost its appeal by the second night. Now, on night 6, she was ready to kick puppies. She’d passed frustration and gone directly to barely repressed rage.

 

They were supposed to have been paired tonight on a little light recon (read: car sex in questionable alley) but at the last minute, her dad had called Felicity asking if the Canary could patrol a particularly bad neighbourhood. 2 of the 4 officers assigned to the B&E hotspot were out injured by separate arrests gone wrong, he’d wanted to meet her there.

He’d spot his own daughter a mile off, so this meant Oliver would follow Felicity and hand Bronze Tiger to Roy to stop a shipment of drugs being stolen to order (the irony of which was not lost on any of them). She’d thought this would just mean they ran without comms at the Foundry tonight ( _and maybe we could sneak back early_ ) but John had pointed out that her Dad already mentioned the Canary sometimes appeared in two places at once in police reports and unless she wanted to come clean, she should stay in the Foundry tonight.

 

While he paired with Deadshot.

 

_I should have just called my Dad. Told him everything. Now, not only do I not get my one night with Floyd, John’s probably hiding his body right now._

 

He’d had one outburst since Floyd arrived almost 10 weeks ago but it was only a matter of time and no matter how much Floyd held his tongue while in John’s domain, out of the Foundry he was likely to make some kind of smart comment and really piss John off.

 

An hour later the door to the basement banged open, Floyd didn’t even make eye contact, just marched to the medical cabinets, grabbed a few bandages and carried on to his room, slamming his door shut behind him. She didn’t get a good look but there was blood around his nose, a little at his mouth and the mother of all black eyes was starting to spread across his left cheek.

 

“John! What the hell?”

 

“Don’t Laurel, just don’t”

 

“You’re on the same team! You can’t start attacking him! You think that helps any of us?”

 

_Also, you messed up my boyfriends pretty, pretty face. You ass_

 

“John, you asked me to go to Waller. Reduction in sentence for time served was your idea. When you wanted to stop the drone strike you and Lyla went straight to Lawton for support and now that he’s actually here… you don’t trust him, but he’s the one you wanted backing us up. I just… I can’t get a handle on the relationship you two have.”

 

John had been leaning over the desk, trying to calm down, he threw his hands up and begin to pace

 

“If I had met him without knowing he killed Andy… if he…it’s not right for me to just forget about it!”

 

John stopped and Laurel suddenly understood.

 

After Slade had been delivered to Lian Yu, Oliver had returned home and spent two days at her fathers bedside with her, telling her everything. The year he spent on the island with Yao Fei, Slade and Shado, the ship, Ivo, Sara returning from the dead, the promise he’d made her to tell her family she died on the Gambit if anything happened, her second ‘death’. He’d told her about his first hellish weeks back in Starling where everything was too loud and there were too many people. 

 

His first meeting with Felicity, how surprised he’d been that she didn’t just accept his lies like most women did when he smiled their way. How he’d finally told her he was the Hood in desperation bleeding out in the back of her tiny car.

 

He’d told her about Tommy’s reaction, that they’d never properly mended their friendship before Tommy died. Tommy’s reaction had been similar to Johns and both the result of Lawton, oddly.

 

John was outraged, disgusted. Appalled that he’d been hired to protect a killer. Eventually, he’d seen the good Oliver was trying to do, understood that killing was the means, not the end and he’d jumped right onboard team Arrow. John understood the loss of Tommy, Oliver understood the loss of Andy. Empathy over the loss of their brothers had forged a new brotherhood between them. Something which wouldn’t have happened if the name ‘Andrew Diggle’ had been crossed out in Robert Queens notebook instead of tattooed across Floyd Lawton's chest.

 

John had seen the parallels. He found things about Lawton that were actually likeable in spite of everything he knew about him. He hated that he could find something good in the man that killed his brother, missed the black and white of not knowing him at all. He was struggling to hold on the rage and anger, to keep it directed at Lawton. He was starting to forgive him and he hated it. Hated that he felt like he was betraying Andy.

 

“John…you don’t need to hold on to it. You can let it go. It won’t dishonour his memory.”

 

She placed a hand on his shoulder and pushed off from the desk she’d been leaning against.

 

* * *

 

John had left within 10 minutes and Laurel headed straight for Floyd. She knocked once and pushed the door open.

 

“Hey, you ok?”

 

“Yeah, nothing at all” He looked like the physical pain hadn’t been the worst part.

 

“What happened?”

 

“It was my fault if thats what you’re askin’” She crawled onto the bed with him, wrapping an arm over him. Waited for him to talk.

 

“Stupid really, I just snapped at him. I said he still owed me two, the guard I took out in Russia and another in Markovia. He said the only way we’d ever be even is if I had a brother. He doesn’t know about Edward, he was just… I don’t know. Anyway I asked him if I should go ahead and start inking a Diggle family tree and…”

 

“…and he took that as a threat against his son”

 

“Yeah”

 

* * *

 

She’d fallen asleep while curled up, watching him wallow in silence, now she woke, startled.

 

“Floyd. Floyd!”

 

“Hmmph?”

 

“What time is it? Is everyone back? How the hell am I going to sneak out of here?”

 

“Relax darlin’ Queen texted you to say he was dropping Turner back here, I replied, told him you’d left after John dropped me off. Turner went straight to his room, probably asleep by now.”

 

Laurel relaxed. It had been a while since she was able to stay over… the walls looked pretty thick…

 

“How’s your eye?”

 

“It’ll be fine”

 

“Hmmm… did you learn anything about the importance of being quiet?” She smiled up at him, pure mischief on her face

 

“You suggestin’ I’m the loud one?” He laughed and rolled over her.

 

* * *

 

Early next morning Laurel slipped from Floyds bed, kissing him goodbye before sneaking across the deserted basement and up the stairs.

 

She didn’t notice the door to Ben Turners room was ajar. Or that he stood watching her go.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all the reviews :-)


	10. The Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To expect the unexpected shows a thoroughly modern intellect.   
> \- Oscar Wilde

Team Arrow had adapted to its latest change in numbers. Ben and Roy seemed to get along well, equally stoic and antisocial.

John hadn’t exactly apologised to Floyd, just nodded in his direction once the next time they were in the same room.

Oliver and Felicity were out of town this weekend, in Vegas, visiting her mother. The remaining members of the Team Arrow/Suicide Squad collaboration had immediately started placing bets on them marrying. She stood to make a small fortune if Elvis was involved. Floyd would clean them all out if they came back unhitched _“If I looked at a girl the way he looks at her, I’d want everyone I ever met to see me marry her”_ she’d had to avoid looking at him for a while after that.

 

Ben had been recalled to A.R.G.U.S. for a job, Waller hadn’t given details. He was still fairly distant. Not a friendly kind of guy she supposed, but every now and then he smirked at her or Floyd and she wondered if they weren’t being as secretive as they needed to be… _he couldn’t know, we’ve been so careful._

With his pseudo partner out of town, Roy had taken off for the weekend too, he hadn’t said where but she was pretty sure Sin had been driving the car that picked him up.

 

Their numbers being only 4, they had planned to meet in the Foundry that night with take out and just monitor the scanners but while she was taking advantage of a long lunch break and Floyd's missing roommate, she’d received a flustered phone call from John. Lyla had gone into labour 10 days early.

 

* * *

 

”You know, Michaels being in labour offers us an opportunity”

 

“The Foundry to ourselves isn’t that unusual”

 

“No, but the City to ourselves is.”

 

She stopped scanning through the files she’d brought home with her to look at Floyd. He reminded her of Felicity a little, trying not to bounce on his heels, hands shoved in his pockets, flitting between nervous and embarrassed, he dragged a hand through his hair.

 

“What do you have in mind?”

 

“A first date”

 

A grin split Laurels face, eyes bright, surprised by her assassin lover once again.

 

“Seriously? Go out, like a normal date? Have dinner in public? Seriously!” The only time they’d managed to go out in public together was in Blüdhaven the weekend they went to visit his daughter and that was weeks ago.

 

“Yeah, up for it?”

 

“Hell yeah!”

 

“Ok, unlock my GPS, I’ll come pick you up from your apartment at 7?”

 

His GPS… of course. The leash he’s not really had since day one. _Should I tell him?_ She decided against it. That wasn’t the point of tonight and besides she’d rather John or Oliver decided he should be told. Somehow, she thought it would mean more to him.

 

* * *

 

Floyd knocked on her door at 7, smiling at her dress and heels.

 

“Not often I see you all girly”

 

“If I ever learn to run in heels I promise to mix up the Canary outfit, just for you” She leaned in to kiss him hello and turned to lock her door before they headed down the hall for the stairs “Where are we going?”

 

“Dinner first”

 

“First? How are we getting there? Want to take my car?”

 

“Nope” He pointed to a second generation dodge charger parked across the street.

 

She stopped in her tracks “Um… Is it really bad dating etiquette to ask if it’s stolen?”

 

Luckily he just laughed “No darlin this is mine, left it in storage here after my first run in with Queen, not much point in a car with your depth perception gone. Gotten used to it now though.”

 

“Good, ‘cause it’s gorgeous!”

 

“Fan of older cars?”

 

“Fan of older everything apparently” she joked, nodding in his direction, smiling at his mock hurt face 

 

* * *

 

He hadn’t gone for flashy, they’d been seated in a small booth at the back of an intimate restaurant. Russian mob, he explained, they’d taken over after Bertinelli fled and done an admirable job of maintaining the ‘Best Italian in town’ claim. He’d had some mutually beneficial dealings with them before so they could talk freely and not worry about anyone else recognising him from old wanted posters.

 

An awkward silence descended after they’d given their order to the waiter. What do you talk about on a first date? Childhood? Hometown? Day jobs? Hobbies? All things they already knew or didn’t want to discuss.

 

_You talk for a living Lance, think!_

 

“If you weren’t a Lawyer, what was your back up plan?”

 

_Oh thank God_

 

“Librarian” She replied smiling

 

He let out a bark of laughter “Thats pretty much the best answer to the question, I’m just gon’ file that away for later” he winked at her.

 

“Perv. I like reading. And libraries are so organised. My first year of college I used to rearrange the card catalogues in the campus library in the middle of the night if I couldn’t sleep. Found it soothing.”

 

“Thats weirder than anything I did my first year”

 

“You went to college?” _How exactly did he fit that in while becoming Deadshot?_

 

“Yeah, just two years, it was part of a fake ID. I was tryin’ to disappear. Quiet life didn’t suit me though. Swapped books for guns just before the end of my sophomore year.”

 

“What were you studying?”

 

“Undeclared! I tried a bit of everything. I liked math. Comes in handy for trick shots. Philosophy too, I think I was hoping for a revelation about the human condition, a frame of mind where I’d be able to forgive myself for Edward. I took a few art classes too.”

 

_His brother…_

 

“So what was your weird thing then?”

 

“Not that weird, I worked in a tattoo shop helping out, got my first tattoo there and the owner trained me up enough that I could tattoo myself.”

 

She was familiar with his tattoos, knew he’d done most himself, she tried not to notice Andy's name when they were together.

 

“What was your first tattoo?”

 

“Edwards name. Started the habit, making the kills permanent. I covered it up within a few months though. Couldn’t stand seeing it in the mirror every day. Toughened up some since then”

 

“Waller’s going to release you. In a few years. Think you’d go back? To college I mean, or tattooing…” Why had she started down this path? Did it matter what he was doing once he was free? Once he was granted his freedom, she’d likely never see him again.

 

“Honestly?”

 

_No, lie to me. It’s kinder_

“Yes”

 

“I’d probably float around doing odd jobs for a bit, maybe travel some. Eventually someone would recognise me or track me down. They’d either try to kill me or try to hire me. Both options end with me killing again. I’d be back in the contract killer business inside of 6 months. Just who I am.”

 

She’d thought as much. If he took a job in Starling it would be up to one of them to bring him down. _Not me. I couldn’t_

 

She wanted to say he didn’t have to. He could stay with them, with her. Oliver would find him a job within Queen Consolidated, he could keep his room in the Foundry if he wanted, or move into her apartment. He could join the team for real. They could stop hiding.

 

She knew she was kidding herself.

 

The waiter arrived with their food and they turned the conversation to safer topics. Sports teams, first cars, best cities to visit, music.

 

“You know the Bratva should really make a bigger deal about their ability to hand make ravioli” she joked after dinner as Floyd guided her through the kitchens to the rear exit into the alley he’d parked his car in.

 

“Couldn’t hurt them to diversify their business interests” he agreed smiling as the door closed behind them, looking at her and so missing the staff that struck him from behind.

 

Laurel was grabbed and pushed to wall on the opposite side of the alley, she’d gotten the arm off her and reversed positions with her attacker before she made contact with the wall.

 

“Nyssa?” The dark eyes of Sara’s girlfriend stared back at her for a moment and then looked over Laurels shoulder. Expecting an attack Laurel released Nyssa and spun round.

 

“Sara!” Her little sister was standing over Floyd, the end of her staff pressing against his throat, keeping him on the ground.

 

“Laurel, you really need to start doing a background check on your dates”

 

“Jesus Sara! We work together! Would you let him up!?”

 

“He’s an assassin Laurel”

 

“Did two near drownings wash the story of the pot and the kettle right out of your head? I know who he is, he’s been backing up the Arrow for months now so Let. Him. Up.”

 

Sara stepped back, releasing Floyd slowly, confusion evident

 

“You intentionally went on a date with an assassin?”

 

Laurel shot an exasperated look towards her sister as she crossed to help Floyd up, waving a hand in Nyssa’s direction as a response.

 

“You ok?”

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Not exactly the normal way to meet your date’s family but I guess it suits us”

 

“Lucky you didn’t meet my Dad first” 

 

Laurel turned to Sara. She was supposed to be on the other side of the world

 

“When did you get into town?”

 

“Nyssa and I thought we’d drop by for a week or two, Lyla’s due soon, I wanted to meet Digg’s son, if the timing worked out.”

 

“It did, he’s at the hospital with Lyla now, she went early”

 

“And you decided to celebrate with him?” Sara asked, jutting her chin towards Lawton

 

“Sara…” One normal night, one date thats all she wanted. “Look, we’ve been together for a while, ok? No one knows and I’d like to keep it that way.” Sara started to protest “hey at least my date has never kidnapped our mother!”

 

Sara fell silent, and Laurel was sure she’d heard something like a snort come from Nyssa’s direction.

 

Floyd stepped forward, extending his hand to Sara “Floyd Lawton, Deadshot”

 

After a moment and a pursing of her lips, Sara accepted his handshake. “Sara Lance, Ta-er al-Asfer”

 

“One of them” Floyd countered

 

Sara smiled slightly and introduced Nyssa, the tension dissipated for the time being.

 

“You know Dad won’t be happy. Decorated officer and both daughters go for trained killers, vigilantes and part time crime fighting”

 

Laurel laughed and hugged her sister, happy to see her after months without contact.

 

“Want to go get coffee?” Sara asked “It was a long journey”

 

Laurel hesitated _actually I was keen to get to the fun naked part of my date_ “Sure, we’ll catch you up before Oliver and Felicity get back”

 

“Where are they?”

 

“Romantic weekend break”

 

“Finally!”

 

“I know, thought they’d never catch on”

 

“Hey, is this our first double date?”

 

Laurel just shook her head and wrapped an arm around her sister as they left the alley and crossed the street to an all night diner. Glancing back, Floyd and Nyssa were only a few steps behind, each clearly aware of the others reputation, there was a respect between them already as they struck up polite conversation. Floyd looked up, caught her eye and smiled at the direction their ‘quiet’ night had taken.

 

_As far as first dates go, this is still in the top 3_

 

* * *

 

“Are you sure?”

 

Ben Turner had never seen Amanda Waller surprised. It made him edgy.

 

“I’m sure. You asked me to report back on all members of the team. This seemed worth mentioning.”

 

Waller nodded and dismissed Turner.

 

_The lawyer and Deadshot?_ Turner had said no one else seemed to know. What was Floyd playing at? He was an excellent marksman, followed orders well but also a brilliant strategist. One of her best assets in fact. What his goal was now, she couldn’t guess.

 

She needed to retain a working squad which wouldn’t happen if Oliver Queens friends were using A.R.G.U.S. as a vigilante dating service. She’d already lost Michaels, her plan to recruit Ms. Smoak was a non starter due to the latter’s loyalty to Oliver and Diggle.

 

_And now Deadshot is bedding the lawyer. Smart man._

 

_He won’t be for long._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day? You lucky ducks ;-)


	11. I Will Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you are not too long, I will wait here for you my entire life.   
> \- Oscar Wilde

After a single coffee, Sara and Nyssa bid them goodnight and left for their own accommodation. Promising to see their Dad in the morning, Sara had leaned into hug Laurel goodbye “I hope you know what you’re doing”

 

“I do, I know it’s complicated but… it’s something”

 

* * *

The rest of their weekend was spent in the Foundry, only leaving if something came over the scanners they absolutely couldn’t miss.

 

John had texted a picture of his son, Andrew, early Sunday morning and promised to bring him in towards the end of the week. Oliver and Felicity arrived home, rings noticeably absent from their hands and Laurel grudgingly handed Floyd $100, much to Oliver and Felicity’s confusion.

 

Ben Turner was out until Thursday when Amanda Waller herself would be dropping him off. Roy hadn’t been heard from in a few days so Nyssa and Sara had reached out to their contacts to find him and Sin.

 

While waiting on confirmation of a possible Sin sighting in Thailand _Girl doesn’t even have a passport, how they hell would she get to Thailand?_ Sara had again cornered Laurel

 

 “You sure you know what you’re doing? I’ve heard about him Laurel. He’s a League of Assassins all on his own.”

 

“Sara, I know it’s unconventional…”

 

“Unconventional? Really? That’s how you’re describing it?”

 

“Sara! I love him.” She’d surprised herself with the force of it but it was true all the same.

 

Sara was looking at her, surprise fading to sadness. “You know this only ends one of a few ways, right?” 

 

“I didn’t say I was planning a white wedding and picket fence, did I?”

 

“Laurel, assuming he lives to see the end of his A.R.G.U.S. service, either he needs to choose this, here, with you, or you need to decide if you could tolerate the life of an assassin. It’s not easy and you’d be throwing away your friends, your law career…”

 

“I know, Sara! I know! But I don’t know if thats even an option, for him I mean. Me coming with him when he leaves. If he leaves… for now, I’m happy and it’s enough. Please just… just let it go.”

 

“Sara!”

 

Nyssa crossed the basement, phone in hand. “It is Sin, she’s in Thailand with Roy, members of the league have detained them.”

 

“Are they ok?”

 

“They are. Sara, they were in pursuit of Malcolm Merlyn… and Thea Queen.”

 

* * *

Oliver had not taken the news well. Nyssa’s father had confirmed he knew Malcolm Merlyn was alive but he hadn't known he was in Thailand, now that he did, he had dispatched Ubu to find Malcolm and bring him to Nanda Parbat. He had agreed to deliver Thea to Roy and Sin at his daughters request, should Ubu find her.

 

Felicity and Oliver had left for home, Oliver still visibly upset, after Sara and Nyssa promised she would not be hurt, but would be taken straight to Roy and Sin. 

 

This left two assassins and two canaries in the basement, too distracted to sift through the mountains of information on organised crime Felicity trawled through on a daily basis, but too wound up to sit still.

 

It was Floyd’s idea to cross train. Laurel was getting good with her staff but Nyssa offered to give her some archery pointers. Sara and Floyd were swapping hand to hand training with target practice.

 

Because Sara and Nyssa were aware of their relationship, Floyd and Laurel were able to be as affectionate as they liked, a luxury they didn’t often have. Laurel could feel Sara watching them, sizing him up. Wondering if this was somehow a game to him. 

If it was, she couldn’t see it.

 

He looked like he loved her.

 

* * *

Thursday came too quickly. With Ben being returned that afternoon, this would be the last morning they woke up together for a while.

 

“Call in sick”

 

“You know I can’t, I really need to go in today, I have to be in court next week, I need to hold interviews today”

 

“Quit. Sell your apartment, move in here. We’d be able to live off that for a while, right?” he joked

 

“Actually, I was thinking about that…”

 

“Selling your apartment?”

 

“Not exactly… How about you move into it with me?”

 

“I’m sure Queen would just love that. You got an excuse prepared or are you going to start using the insanity plea you hate so much?” He laughed, assuming she was joking.

 

“I’m serious. We could tell them… maybe Waller would…”

 

“No. No way, not happening.” He’d slung his legs out of the bed and was now getting dressed 

 

“Why not? Waller will release you eventually and until then you’ll be here anyway!”

 

“Laurel, it’s not happening. You’re not telling them, you’re not telling Waller. Just drop it ok?”

 

He left the room, she had no choice but to dress and follow.

 

“Floyd, I’m not spending the rest of my life sneaking around!”

 

“The rest of your life? You planning on dying soon? We’re not in it for the long haul, you know that!”

 

“No, I don’t know that! Jesus Floyd…”

 

Their argument was cut short by Sara and Nyssa coming through the basement door and down the steps. Floyd took the opportunity to disappear back inside his room and close the door.

 

Knowing Sara was likely to tell her this sort of argument was inevitable, she made her excuses and left for her apartment, she still had time to shower before work.

 

* * *

Waller was due to drop Ben off at 3pm, Laurel had made up some work excuse when Oliver had asked if she’d be at Verdant for the drop off. Not sorry she’d miss another meeting with Waller.

 

At 3:15 she got a text message from Sara ‘ _Verdant, NOW_ ’ she called Sara’s cell, straight to voicemail. Laurel was in her car by 3:17

 

* * *

She pulled into the alley leading from the basement door just as Waller exited the basement with Floyd behind her.

 

Carrying his bags.

 

“Waller! Whats going on?”

 

“Ms.Lance. Mr Lawton is required on a long term operation. You’ll manage just fine with Ben Turner.”

 

“Long term operation? What? How long?” She was speaking to Floyd who was avoiding eye contact as he threw his duffel into the Wallers armed transport.

 

“Ms. Lance we won’t be disclosing the details. We expect two years.”

 

_Two years?_

 

She exploded.

 

“You can’t just send them off on long term ops like that! They’re here earning reductions, or pardons or… you can’t just steal two fucking years from them!”

 

“Ms. Lance…” The Wall was now face to face with Laurel, no hint of amusement on her face “First, they’re my squad, They go where I tell them, Second, He volunteered, I offered the post to Ben too. Excuse me.”

 

_Volunteered? No, this makes no sense, it was one stupid argument!_

 

Floyd was now inside the van, reaching to pull the door closed.

 

“Wait, Floyd, what are you…”

 

“Look it’s a paid op, alright. You really think I’d take being the Arrow’s unpaid intern over that? Did you really buy the whole team player bit? Grow up Princess.”

 

The door slammed shut and the van backed away from Verdant.

 

* * *

Laurel ran down the stairs into the basement

 

“What just happened? What did she say to him?”

Oliver and Felicity looked up, confused. Sara and Nyssa stood back, the only ones present who understood her outburst.

 

“Nothing, really…She dropped off Ben, went to Floyd’s room for a few minutes, came out and told us he was packing…something about a long term job?” Felicity was still frowning at her in confusion.

 

“They didn’t argue?”

 

“No… guess he just got bored of the same basement for 6 months…” Felicity smiled at her, expecting her to smile back.

 

_Bored?_

 

Oliver took a step towards her, as confused as his girlfriend.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Laurel shook her head, forced a half smile on to her face.

 

“Nothing. Nothing I just… I thought he was happier here than at A.R.G.U.S. Didn’t think he’d go back so easy. It’s fine.”

 

She walked away from Oliver and back up the stairs.

 

She left Verdant, drove to a liquor store 40 minutes out of Starling City and bought enough alcohol to drown in.

She drove back to her apartment and lined the bottles up on the counter.

 

_Idiot. You asked your very public boyfriend to move in with you and he disappeared on a boat trip with your sister for 5 years, what made you think this would go any better?_

 

They’d only been together a few months, they were sneaking around, he was an assassin with a bomb on his spine and he’d killed a friends brother.  It would have been impossible without the fact that he was technically a prisoner the whole time.

 

She opened the first bottle, inhaled and dumped the whole thing down the sink.

 

Had he really just decided to leave? Did he miss killing but hadn’t wanted to say anything to her?

 

She opened the second bottle.

 

He didn’t want to tell anyone. She’d suggested it, known it would be hard, that it would take a lot of convincing for some people to believe they had genuine feelings for each other.

 

And he’d just called it an act, he laughed at her, slammed the door in her face… It couldn’t have all been an act, it just… Waller must have something on him.

 

As the contents of the third bottle disappeared down the drain, she found herself doubting.

 

It seemed real, he’d opened up to her, she’d trusted him… could she really have been just a warm body? A way to pass the time?

 

She had one bottle left. Vodka. A really good Polish one that she remembered downing straight pre alcoholism. 

She remembered it tasted like marzipan and cherries.

 

* * *

When Waller had shown up with Ben that afternoon, Lawton had been in his room reading one of the many books Laurel had brought him. About a week after Ben arrived she had begun using the books to talk to him and he’d been able to talk right back. Different coloured pens, highlighting and circling sentences they wanted to say, places they wanted to visit, feelings they couldn’t articulate. He’d never read so fast in his life.

He’d stuck his head out of his room to greet Ben but Ben had just ducked his head and gone to his room. _Odd, whats he look so guilty for?_

 

“Mr Lawton.”

 

“Waller” She was heading his way and he stepped aside to let her into the privacy of his room

 

“I’d like to discuss something with you”

 

“Don’t suppose it’s a full pardon?”

 

“No I’d like to know what exactly you think you can accomplish by sleeping with Ms. Lance?”

 

Floyd hadn’t expected this line of questioning and he knew he hadn’t recovered quickly enough to lie convincingly.

 

“I don’t see how thats any of your business”

 

“Lets get one thing straight Lawton. You are a prisoner. My prisoner in point of fact. If you’re trying to drive a wedge between members of this team and using her to do it, thats in direct violation of the agreement A.R.G.U.S. has with this team, if you think she’ll somehow get you out early, she won’t”

 

“I’m not using her”

 

Waller scoffed “You have feelings for her? I find that hard to believe.”

 

“As long as she doesn’t, I don’t care”

 

“You’re actually trying to pursue a relationship with a woman who plays a part in keeping you locked in a basement? Listen to me very carefully Lawton. This ends now.”

 

“I don’t think it does…”

 

“How many people have you cared for in your life Lawton? How many are still alive? Your son certainly didn’t last long with you around, you think she’ll survive? You really want to add her name to list of your known weaknesses? Maybe I should put a bomb in her spine too, a failsafe in case you think you can disarm your own”

 

“Leave her alone Waller, this has nothing to do with you and I’m not messing around!”

 

“You really think I’m her biggest threat? How many enemies do you have?”

 

Floyd had fallen silent, glaring at Waller. He knew all this. It’s what he’d thought of as soon as Laurel suggested moving to her apartment. He wanted to, he wanted to be able to wake up with her, have breakfast, go about their lives, spend holidays together, meet her friends from work. He wanted to go on vacation together, take her to restaurants which weren’t owned by criminal organisations, spend Saturday nights curled up on the couch instead of sneaking over rooftops.

 

He never got far in those dreams. Moving into her apartment became wondering if Queen would foot the bill to have all her windows replaced with bullet proof glass. Thinking about vacations just led him to think of all the places he was on a wanted list. He’d left Zoe’s life for the same reasons.

 

“What do you want me to do?”

 

“End it. Painfully. Make her believe it. I have a long term position available for a sniper with your skills. You could leave with me now.”

 

_Leave now?_ She was at work, he wouldn’t get to see her at all. The last thing they did was argue…

 

“Ok”

 

*

 

He’d left Waller to make the announcement while he packed his bags, leaving her books stacked on his dresser.

He’d do as he was told, he’d make her believe it but not without doing something, anything that would let her know someday he’d truly loved her.

He grabbed ‘The Importance of Being Ernest’ from the pile of books, skipping to the back. He underlined the quote he was looking  for and quickly scribbled the date and time in the margin, she needed to know they were his final words to her - _If you are not too long, I will wait here for you my entire life_

 

Slipping the book back and grabbing his duffel and rifle bag he headed out, avoiding Sara’s disappointed stare and skipping goodbyes entirely.

 

Laurel was in the alley as he reached the door

 

_Damn. Just lie, you’re good at it. Just lie_

 

He kept his head down while she went toe to toe with Waller, demanding he be returned to her _That’s my girl_ He saw her start to doubt, saw the confusion. _Crush her, you need to hurt her or she’ll never give you up_

 

He sneered and laughed, asked if she’d bought his ‘act’ laughing at the disbelief and pain on her face. Smirking, cold and cruel as he slammed the door to the van in her face.


	12. The Life That One Does Not Lead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One's real life is so often the life that one does not lead.  
> \- Oscar Wilde

Laurel sat in front of the open bottle of vodka for maybe 20 minutes. Thinking about the last time she drank it.

There had been a pop up Polish vodka bar and a few girls from CNRI wanted to go, It was the 4th anniversary of the Gambit sinking and she’d just lost a case, she started knocking back shots and didn’t finish until she was half carried into a taxi and all the way to her bed by Joanna.

She’d had the mother of all hangovers and couldn’t touch almond croissants for a month the aftertaste of marzipan had been so strong.

 

_I shouldn’t be so upset. This is nothing. No one died, we hadn’t been making long term plans, I should be embarrassed that I was so easily taken in and that’s it._

 

She screwed the cap back on the bottle and shoved it as far back in the freezer as she could manage.

 

* * *

 

She increased her AA meetings back up to twice daily. She’d reduced them gradually since becoming a Canary and had only managed a meeting every two weeks since she and Floyd began their relationship.

 

_Was that what it was?_

 

She threw herself into her work, finally caught up on her paperwork backlog, she woke at 6am every morning, went out for a run, showered, ate and was at her desk by 8am. She took Ben lunch every day, she worked until 6pm, headed to Verdant, spent an hour sparring with whoever was free, grabbed dinner and helped Felicity go through the insane amount of information her many, many programs collected. Then she headed out to defend Starling with a focus she’d thought was purely Oliver’s trait.

 

She kept it together for 3 weeks, she thought she was doing well. Thought she was strong enough now to go into his room and retrieve her books.

 

Diggle was at home with his son, Ben was out with Oliver, Felicity was upstairs on the phone to Thea. When Ubu caught up to Merlyn, Thea had tried to defend her new found father and Ubu had been forced to knock her out. Evidently Merlyn had been training his daughter to become a second Dark Archer.  Thea hadn’t been ready to come home so Sara and Nyssa had arranged for Thea, Roy and Sin to stay in Nanda Parbat, to train with the league but never to become active members. Thea would come home when she was ready, Roy would follow her. Sin was enjoying spending time with Sara and had taken well to training. Laurel doubted she would return at all.

 

She had the basement to herself. Felicity’s bag was gone, she’d probably head straight home after her conversation ended. Laurel took a deep breath and pushed open the door to his room.

 

The bedding was still rumpled the way she’d left it the morning she suggested they come clean. Her books sat on his dresser, the top drawer still open _He must have been packing in a hurry… couldn’t wait to leave._

 

Her fingers trailed over the spines of her books. She’d started thinking of them as _their_ books. She opened a selection of short stories by Nikolay Gogal, the spine cracking open to _Diary of a Mad Man_ , the entry for October 4th _‘Oh what a voice! A canary, just like a canary!’_ underlinedby his hand, the poem to follow he’d circled in its entirety

 

_An hour without seeing you_

_Is like a whole year gone by_

_How wretched life’s become_

_Without you I’ll only fret and sigh_

 

She wasn’t sure when she’d started crying. She hadn’t cried at all until now, not a single tear in three weeks.

_A Farewell to Arms_ their inside joke about the assassin who had touched nothing but rubber bullets and tranquilliser darts for 6 months. The Fountainhead, The Importance of Being Earnest, The Beautiful and Damned. After reading Slaughterhouse 5he’d referred to the basement as Tralfamadore, occasionally called her Montana. Their own private bubble _…_

 

She couldn’t look through any more, seeing months of conversations in borrowed words discarded atop his dresser, leaving these had been as easy for him as slamming the door in her face.

 

She slipped off her shoes and crawled under his covers. They still smelled like him, like them. 

 

She pulled her phone out of her pocket, scrolling to the one photo they’d taken together in Blüdhaven. He looked genuinely happy, she stared the photo longer, trying to see something, anything that proved he’d been lying, even then. Strain around the eyes, tightness to his smile… she saw nothing.

 

* * *

 

“Laurel”

 

Someone was stroking her hair back, trying to wake her

 

“Laurel”

 

_Felicity._ Laurel sat up quickly, her face still puffy and red from crying, How on earth was she going to explain crying in Floyd Lawton’s old bed?

 

“Are you ok Laurel?” There was nothing but concern on Felicity’s face. The two Canaries who remained in Starling had become good friends. _A good friend is exactly what I need_

 

“No, No I’m not. I miss him and I don’t know why he left and I just can’t believe he really didn’t mean any of it!”

 

Felicity looked surprised but not nearly as surprised as Laurel would have expected.

 

“I thought it might have something to do with Lawton leaving. You’ve been a little off since… I didn’t realise you were actually together though… How long?”

 

She took a breath and dragged a hand over her face and through her hair. Exhaling loudly “Same night you and Ollie got together”

 

Blonde eyebrows shot up “Really? That long?” Laurel nodded “Wow. Ok… does anyone else know?”

 

“Sara and Nyssa crashed our date the night Lyla had Andrew. I suggested telling you guys the morning he left. We argued, he didn’t want to… he left a few hours later and I feel like an idiot. What the hell was I thinking sleeping with someone who was only here because of a bomb on his spine? He said it had been an act, laughed at me as he left… I just… I can’t see it! He couldn’t have been lying that whole time.”

 

Felicity was frowning, trying to choose her words carefully. “I don’t know what to say… I’m sorry, I didn’t get to know him all that well but… killing people for money aside, he didn’t seem cruel.”

 

Laurel flopped back on the bed. “I know. Do you think… could Waller have maybe threatened Zoe?”

“Who?”

 

_Oh right, she didn’t know_ “Zoe, his daughter. He doesn’t have any contact with her but once a year he goes and watches her, on her birthday. Her Mom keeps the curtains open so he can see her. I went with him this year.”

 

“And Waller knows about her?”

 

“Yeah… Why would she threaten Zoe though? I mean if she wanted him to come back she could have just ordered him back. She still thinks the bomb is active, doesn’t she?”

 

“Far as I’m aware”

 

When Floyd had first entered the basement, Oliver had told him the he would be getting an upgrade to his GPS which limited him to the basement unless they unlocked it for him. What Felicity had actually done, was wirelessly corrupt the bombs switch, effectively disarming it. They’d intended to demand its full removal eventually.

 

Felicity stood up, grabbing Laurels hand and dragging her from the bed “Lets find out”

 

* * *

 

Hacking A.R.G.U.S. took the rest of the day. They found nothing. The files Laurel had already seen had been updated to show he was currently their go to guy for ‘strategic threat elimination’ their in house assassin, but no details on why he’d been recalled.

 

The door opened at the top of the stairs and Oliver bounced down the stairs beaming at Felicity, he crossed to the computer desk tugging her ponytail lightly to tip her head back so he could kiss his girlfriend.

 

“Hey, what’s going on?”

 

“Oh, nothing we were just checking up on future A.R.G.U.S. recruits” Felicity smiled up at Oliver while minimising the screen showing Lawton’s file.

 

“Anyone jumping out at you?”

 

“Not really, we’ll just see how it goes.”

 

Laurel was grateful for Felicity’s discretion but uncomfortable she’d put her friend in the position where she had to lie to Oliver.

 

Oliver’s presence halted their research and Laurel found herself pacing restless around the foundry. She needed to get back to looking through A.R.G.U.S. why couldn’t Oliver have a meeting or a crime to stop? Anything to get her back to those files.

She stilled then. _This is exactly how I used to think about getting back home at the end of the day_ back to her wine, then to her pills, then to the Canary, then to him.

 

_Did I just swap addictions? Was this whole thing just another way of hiding?_

 

_I need to get out of here_

 

* * *

 

After making her excuses she had left the Foundry and gone straight home. She needed to think. 

 

The deep sucking pit of pain she’d been unable to claw her way out of after Tommy’s death had been dulled somewhat by drinking heavily. When the effect of drink wore off she’d started adding the pills.

When she’d been caught and was on the verge of losing so much more than just her job, she’d ditched them and started going to AA. Then the hollow ache wasn’t so much Tommy, but the lack of the numb sensation she’d found in bottles of wine and stolen pills. She’d struggled on, dragged herself through each day and then the opportunity to step into Sara’s shoes, to help Oliver, to be a part of a cause… she’d grabbed it with both hands. 

She was occasionally reckless in the field, she’d just chalked it up to enthusiasm and not quite knowing her limits yet. Now she had to wonder, had the Canary become her new escape? Just another pill to down? The mask had given her the same freedom drinking had, she’d always known that. When Floyd came along, when they started whatever the hell that was, had it just been another new high? Her daily fix?

Now instead of concentrating on what she wanted to do with her life, with the Canary, with everything she now knew about her friends and their alter egos, she was starting to latch on to investigating Lawton's sudden departure. 

 

_It’s just another escape, another excuse, another distraction_

 

No more. No more drinking, no more pills, no more Canary, no more Lawton.

 

She’d tell Oliver later, that she was stepping down as Canary. She’d help out whenever she could, but as Laurel, as a DA. No more masks for her, not until she was sure it was what she really wanted, that it wasn’t just her newest form of self delusion.

 

She’d told Sara she felt like she’d gone down with the Gambit, been drowning for years.

 

It was time to start swimming.

 


	13. The Old Art of Lying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What we have to do, what at any rate it is our duty to do, is to revive the old art of Lying.  
> \- Oscar Wilde

 

Oliver accepted her decision, as she knew he would.

 

She started feeding information back to Oliver, from the DA office and from her father. Evidence they needed, cases they were trying to make. Oliver was no longer working independent of the police and legal system in Starling, he was working with it. 

He didn’t need to kill, just incriminate, impede or detain until SCPD turned up to make an arrest and from there, Laurel did what she could to ensure a conviction (and if, sometimes, The Arrow needed to have midnight chats with criminal defence lawyers about the dangers they could face if they even considered witness intimidation, well, she really wouldn’t know anything about that)

 

She’d helped out as part of the team on a few occasions, never as the Canary, ‘helpless passer by’ or ‘damsel in distress’ were the only disguises needed now. She’d already decided she would return to the Canary, but only after she’d had a good long talk with her dad and brought him into ‘Team Arrow’ fully.

 

Putting Lawton out of her mind took time and it didn’t happen all at once. It was little things, like realising halfway through her morning run she’d been up almost an hour and he hadn’t crossed her mind, being able to pass her bookshelves without singling out the bindings which hid his conversations.

 

She’d started socialising with her work colleagues, she’d gotten back in contact with Joanna, even went to an AA barbecue one weekend. She was beginning to feel almost happy with her life, settled even. Which is why the foul mood she found herself in currently was so confusing. She’d woken up feeling panicked and edgy. It took her all morning and most of the afternoon to figure out why, then she had a sudden recollection as she caught sight of the date on her calendar. _Zoe’s birthday._ She knew where he’d be, right that moment, for the first time in months, she knew exactly where he was. She glanced at the clock _I could make the next train, get to Central, I know which window he’ll be watching from. I could go. Right now._

 

She could feel months of hard work unravelling within her. The rest of the afternoon was a write off, she already knew that. Remembering the light conversation on the train, breaking into the building, the weekend in Blüdhaven. It was this weekend a year ago things had really shifted between them. This time a year ago she’d let herself start to fall.

 

And within a few months he’d left. He still had almost 18 months left on his contract with Waller. Was he thinking about last year too?

 

“Hey”

 

Laurel hadn’t even seen Craig approaching her desk.

 

“Hey, sorry. I was… somewhere else. Need something?”

 

Craig had been SCPD, undercover, organised crime unit. The Arrow had finished his work for him last month and her was here daily giving statements, discussing the evidence he’d collected, helping them prepare for trial. It was a messy case, there was no one person responsible, no one person truly calling the shots, so they were attempting to charge all members as equally liable for all parts in hopes they would all receive longer sentences. As it stood they could walk within 3 years because they had split the work according to potential jail times if they were caught.

 

“Sort of. I’m here on a longshot.”

 

Laurel raised an eyebrow, they’d become friendly, she was heavily involved in this case so spent several hours a day in his company.

 

“Got dinner plans?”

 

_He’s asking me out_

 

“Are you asking me out?”

 

“Yeah, kinda” He was so different to Floyd. Taller. Blond. Scruffy stubble coating his cheeks. Despite all that time undercover he still came across as the cheeky class clown, no darkness present.

No murdered son, no dead brother, no bomb on his spine, no listing for ‘assassin’ on his C.V.

 

“Dinner sounds great.”

 

* * *

 

Lawton snuck into the darkened office building. Headed straight for the room he and Laurel had used last year. He paused at the door. If she found his note, if she cared, she could never have come to A.R.G.U.S. but she knew he’d be here, now. If she wanted to see him, if they had a shot… She could be on the other side of the door right now waiting for him.

 

He pushed the door open, scanning the room and finding nothing. _Maybe she’s running late_ Pushing his disappointment aside he made himself comfortable on the floor in front of the window, watching his daughter enter the room across the street, weighed down by brightly wrapped gifts.

 

An hour after his daughter had gone to bed, he remained, his back now to the apartment, watching the office door instead.

 

_One more hour. One more and I’ll go_

 

He left as the sun rose above the Central City skyline.

 

* * *

 

Sara and Nyssa had returned to Starling City with Thea, Roy and Sin in tow for Oliver and Felicity’s engagement party. A large garden party in the grounds of Queen Mansion. As the guests drifted home Craig pulled her to one side and pushed a gift box into her hands.

 

“Whats this? Presents are supposed to go to the engaged couple, you know?” She laughed

 

“Yeah, I know. This is a replacement for something you already have.”

 

She pulled the ribbon from the box

 

“Apartment listings?”

 

“Yeah, I circled the ones I thought we could look at.”

 

“You want us to move in together?”

 

* * *

 

Lawton hated desert jobs. The heat waves messed with his scope, he could never shoot from as far away as he’d like and the sweat made the strap of his eyepatch itch.

It just sucked all round.

Laurel had suggested coming here once. Something about a movie she liked being filmed here.

 

His target entered the view on his scope. He pulled the trigger and packed up as the body hit the ground. No rush, no feeling. Just strike a name off A.R.G.U.S.’s list and on to the next job. 

He had 8 months left of his ‘sentence’ and then he was free to do as he pleased.

 

He thought about going back to Starling. Just once. Just to see if she got his note. To ask why she hadn’t come to Central when she knew he’d be there months ago. He wouldn’t stay long, he shouldn’t see her at all. Just to see how she was doing. If she was happy he’d walk away and that’d be that.

 

Sometimes he really believed that.

 

* * *

 

“Whats wrong?”

 

“What?”

 

Craig sighed and dragged a hand through his hair.

 

“You’ve been in a shitty mood all week. Is it something with work or…” he trailed off helplessly.

 

Laurel shook herself out of the daze she’d been in “No. No, I’m sorry I don’t know whats wrong with me.” She crossed the room to kiss her boyfriend

 

She’d finally agreed to move in with him, months after he first asked. She’d given notice to her landlord, they’d paid the deposit on a new place which they could move into in 6 weeks. She was sitting on the floor, packing up her books, trying not to let them open to the pages they’d marked. It was Zoe’s birthday in two days and despite being in a long term relationship, about to move in with her boyfriend, having a great job and finally returning to her Canary alter ego… She couldn’t shake the impulse to hop a train to Central.

She didn’t even know if he was alive. No one ever mentioned him and she refused to ask Felicity to hack A.R.G.U.S. to find out.

 

“Laurel!” Craig had clearly been speaking for some time

 

“Sorry, what was that?”

 

“Jesus, where do you go when you do that? I was asking if you wanted to go for dinner on Sunday, it’s our first Anniversary.”

 

“Right, yeah, Sorry. Dinner sounds good.”

 

_Just keep it together another week Lance._

 

“I’m going to finish packing, you ok to stay at yours tonight?”

 

Craig sighed, clearly frustrated by her zombie impersonation “Sure. I’ll come by tomorrow, we can get breakfast”

 

Some time after Craig had left she was still surrounded by books. If she was really moving on, really committing to Craig, then she should be able to throw out the books she and Lawton had shared. 

She started by piling up the books she knew he hadn’t touched and packed them up for moving. Then she started flicking through the books they’d marked _I have to be able to do this. I need to face it_

It stung, re-reading the words he’d marked, her replies. She felt foolish, seeing how honest she’d been, how vulnerable. She read every marking and then placed the defaced book in a box to be recycled.

She had reached the last books he’d borrowed. The ones he’d left in his hurry to get away from the crazy girl who suggested they move in together when all he’d ever wanted was a fling to keep his incarceration interesting.

She skimmed The Importance of Being Earnest, they hadn’t gotten around to using this book yet but she checked anyway. She flicked through the pages, scanning the edges quickly for traces of ink and highlighters, she’d started to close the book, her hand already moving toward the recycling box when she spotted a scrawl towards the back. _His signature?_

 

Gwendolyn’s words were underlined and in the margin above his signature was a date and time.

She knew that date. It was the date he left. The time, 15:16. One minute after Sara texted her to come to Verdant. Maybe two minutes after Waller announced he was leaving.

 

_He left me a message._

 

She felt the air rush out of her lungs. Her stomach suddenly made of lead. Goosebumps claimed her skin and her hands tingled.

 

_He left me a message. It was real._ It was all real and she’d just given up on him. Her own stupid doubts and insecurities had caused her 19 months of pain.

 

_Why didn’t I go after him?_

 

Two days. It was two days until Zoe’s birthday. She knew where he’d be…

 

She didn’t go last year, didn’t really believe she’d be wanted. She gone on her first date with Craig instead. Craig who was at home packing to move in with her right now…

 

_So thats my choice. Cop or assassin?_ The nice safe relationship with no secrets, no heartache. The great guy who she did love… but it wasn’t consuming. It wasn’t flames and blood pumping and blistered skin. She’d convinced herself it wasn’t supposed to be. ‘Real’ relationships were secure not dangerous. Comforting, not hell on wheels…

 

_I need to go. I need to just… just talk, thats all. I just need to see him._

 

 


	14. Not Necessarily True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
> 
> \- Oscar Wilde

She cancelled breakfast with Craig and met Felicity at Verdant instead having called her at 1am that morning and tripping over her words until Felicity finally gleaned some sense from them.

 

“You sure you want to know what he’s been doing all this time?”

 

“I’m sure”

 

Felicity paused “He could have wracked up a hell of a body count in two years Laurel”

 

“I don’t care. Show me.”

 

* * *

 

Sunday morning she was on the train to Central City. Nervously picking the nail polish from her nails and looking longingly towards the bar car. Oscar Wilde tucked into her bag, calls and texts from a concerned Craig muted for the time being.

 

Felicity had run through a long list of A.R.G.U.S. hits with Floyd's name on them. He’d travelled extensively the last two years. All reports were glowing and his release date had been set.

 

5 more months.

 

5 months and he’d be free to do whatever he wanted. No basements. No bomb. No Waller.

 

As she left the station in Central City, she found herself scanning the crowd. She expected to see him straight away. He had to be in town by now. Did he come by train? Did Waller fly him in and out again to cut down on his leave time?

 

She hailed a cab and gave the address of the motel they’d used two years ago. The streets passed her by in a damp grey blur as rain pelted the taxi cab windows. There was a storm due. She could feel it in the air, dense and humid.

 

She still didn’t know what she expected to get out of coming here. Closure? Or a fresh start? End or beginning?

They had been apart almost three times as long as they’d been together. If he was there, he may not welcome her. If he’d meant his last message, he could have spent the last 19 months forgetting her.

There was still the small part of her repeating the doubts of the last 19 months, that the message was just him messing with her. That she was about to have her heart stomped on all over again.

 

Her musings allowed her to go through the afternoon on autopilot until the light filtering through the motel room window dimmed.

 

_Time to go._

 

* * *

 

She remembered the building. Remembered the code to the main door. The location of the stairwell. Position of the cameras.

 

She remembered the floor he preferred. She counted the doors until she stood in front of the office they spent the night in two years ago.

 

Her heart was thudding in her chest. Hands shaking. Stomach churning. She tried to take a calming breath but could only manage a short gasp.

 

Her hand clasped the door knob, turned once and pushed through. 

 

She was met with his wrist gauntlet pointed straight at her. She could see his face dimly lit by the obscured moonlight. Disbelief and cautious hope.

 

The ominous thudding in her chest erupted into a frantic beating. _He’s here. He’s happy to see me. He’s pointing two guns at me but he’s happy to see me._

 

She felt like she hadn’t smiled properly in years. The stunned silence stretched between them until she laughed “Gwendolyn! At last!”

 

“You got my message?”

 

She nodded stepping closer to him. “Two days ago.”

 

His eye widened “Two days?”

 

“I only looked at them now because I was packing to move.”

 

“You’re moving?”

 

“Yeah…moving in with my boyfriend.”

 

Floyd finally dropped his arm. He started to turn from her. “Boyfriend huh?”

 

“Yeah. We’ve been together a year…” _and I feel guilty about that because?_   “How have you been?”

 

He ignored her question “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you why I left.”

 

“You still haven’t”

 

He stared at her, expression unreadable

 

“I tend to get the people I love killed. Make a lot of enemies, doing this. Waller reminded me of that. Gave me an out and I took it.”

 

 _Of all the stupid, idiotic…_ Laurel felt her happiness at seeing him burned away by her anger. 

 

“Coward”

 

Her sudden aggression surprised him “Excuse me?”

 

“I called you a coward. Thats such a bullshit excuse Floyd. You get people you love killed? You think I’m any safer as the Canary without you backing me up? Think I can’t make enemies all on my own? The only person who has EVER tried to come after you in revenge is John and I don’t think he’s going to use me to do it.”

 

“I’ve never stayed in one place long enough for anyone else to try!”

 

“So this is hypothetical then? You think _maybe_ if you stop moving someone _might_ come after us? You ever think about saying any of this to me? Instead of deciding for the both of us and leaving me feeling like an idiot for almost two years!”

 

They were within inches of each other, her face flushed from anger and yelling _This is familiar_ she thought, remembering the first time they’d slept together, fighting turned into another kind of passion entirely.

 

Floyd clearly reliving the same memory, his expression softened, reaching to cup her face…

 

As two security guards alerted to their presence by Laurels yelling burst through the door.

 

Lawton raised his gauntlet a second time, shooting tranquillisers as he moved Laurel behind him.

The guards down, he glanced across the street towards Zoe _see you next year kiddo_ and pulled Laurel towards the exit.

 

* * *

 

They had travelled in silence to the motel he was staying in, on the other side of town from her own room.

 

“Floyd, come back to Starling with me…”

 

“No. One, I’m still Wallers errand boy for another five months, and two… nothings changed. I’m not going to fit into your life. Can you really see me making conversation with all your lawyer buddies at the office Christmas party? You think an assassin in a room full of lawyers works well? Your dad the cop going to be ok with me crashing your weekly dinners? Don’t even get me started on what the vigilante crew is likely to say!”

 

“You’re still making excuses… I told Felicity. If she’s ok with it, Oliver will be. John will take time but Lyla will talk him round. I told my Dad Felicity and I had both taken over from Sara, he’s acknowledged Oliver's the Arrow. Have you forgotten my sister is also dating an international assassin? We don’t…” _He’s putting up walls, this is all down to you now_ “If you want an ‘us’… we don’t have to stay in Starling. If staying in one place makes you nervous… we can go wherever you want.”

 

He’d stopped pacing, stopped shaking his head. Just, stopped. She could see him thinking it over, he was considering it, running away together. She knew the second he discarded the idea, watched the shutters come back down, his expression hard again.

 

“You should go. I wanted to see you… once more. Just to explain so… you should go. Get back to your life. Your boyfriend. This isn’t… This isn’t happening again.”

 

She could stand there hours longer, argue, scream, cry. Throw herself at him, what good would it do? He loved her, but he’d leave her a hundred times over as long as he was convinced she deserved better. He left his own daughter every year.

 

Her best efforts couldn’t suppress the few tears that slipped past her eyelashes. She nodded once, unable to talk without letting out the sob trapped behind her gritted teeth. Turning, she walked from the room without looking back.


	15. The Name We Give Our Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.
> 
> \- Oscar Wilde

 

She returned to her apartment. Her life half packed in boxes to make a move she could no longer go through with.

 

She called Craig, arranged to meet. Ended things, apologised. Her landlord had already signed a new tenant and taken a deposit so she was forced to continue packing. John and Oliver turned up with a van on her last day in her old apartment. Until she found something suitable, she was moving to the Queen mansion. Unlike the last time Floyd had left, she didn’t feel any urge to drink. She was tired right down to her bones. She didn’t have the energy to fall off the wagon.

 

Felicity had asked her quietly one day, how things had gone, Laurel only shook her head, ending any attempts at conversation.

 

It had been eight weeks since she travelled to Central. If he hadn’t been so protective, if he’d listened to her… they’d be together in three months. She still held on to the slightest hope that in three months time he’d come to his senses and turn up at Verdant.

 

She was spending another night as the Canary. She hadn’t been paying attention when Felicity had called out the details, if she had, she would have known they were there as a failsafe while SCPD witnessed an arms deal and once they’d recorded enough incriminating evidence they would arrest all involved and confiscate the 2 crates of experimental weapons (including a test phase localised earthquake generator based on Merlyn’s original device) stolen from Star Labs two weeks ago.

 

She was leaning against a door in an alley, in case whoever they were stopping tried to run, she guessed.

 

Someone ran alright, ran smack into her and knocked her to the ground because she had been leaning against the door she was supposed to watch.

As she rolled to try and get to get feet the runner panicked and shot her once in the abdomen, which is where Ben found her after she didn’t respond to Felicity’s terrified yells in her ear. Digg and Lyla managed to stem the blood flow and keep her breathing while an A.R.G.U.S. medivac was sent to pick her up, regular hospital wasn’t an option without blowing all their covers.

 

She woke up in the infirmary at A.R.G.U.S. 2 days later, the bullet had been slowed but not stopped by the corset she wore as Canary and had run out of momentum before hitting major organs. Blood loss and a scar for her troubles.

 

Oliver was in her room when she woke up. Angry, worried and determined to get answers.

 

“We need to talk”

 

* * *

 

She told him everything. That she’d tumbled into Lawton’s bed during an argument a month after he’d arrived. That it quickly became more, that they’d been friends with benefits for all of a fortnight before they realised they were a hell of a lot more than friends. That they’d snuck out on dates, talked, traded book recommendations and songs they loved. He told her why and how he became Deadshot. He took her to watch over Zoe. She’d seen his only picture of his son. He loved her. He’d walked away with no warning, no explanation and she had no clue why she was suddenly missing the best part of her day. She told him why she’d ended things with Craig, Floyd's determination to stay away from her, Wallers involvement.

 

He’d left without protest when the Doctor arrived to check her over and headed straight down 3 sub levels to Waller’s command room.

 

He waved her over through the window in the corridor and walked to her office, opening the door and taking a seat without even checking she had followed him.

 

“Oliver, I hear Ms. Lance is awake.”

 

“Why is Deadshot back in A.R.G.U.S. custody?”

 

“He never left A.R.G.U.S. custody, he was on loan. Some of your team forgot that quite quickly.”

 

“And how would you know that?”

 

Her eyes narrowed at his challenge

 

“Turner saw them together. He was under orders to report back directly to me. Turner reported on Lawton, Lawton would have done the same to Turner, had I asked.”

 

“Did you tell him to come back?”

 

“I reminded Lawton that his son didn’t last long while he was a permanent fixture in his life and I doubted she’d fare any better. Since she’s currently recovering from a near fatal bullet wound it looks like I was right.”

 

“Is he here? Now?”

 

“Is that relevant?” Her defensive posture a clear confirmation.

 

“I want to talk to him” Oliver stood and opened her door

 

“No.”

 

Oliver didn’t break his stride. “You’re welcome to stop me”

 

* * *

 

He arrived at Lawton's cell and nodded to the guard to unlock the door. Lawton was sitting on his bunk, he made no move to stand.

 

“Is she ok?”

 

“You heard?”

 

“The Wall thought she’d dig the knife a little deeper. Guess she told you everything, you being in my cell and all”

 

“Laurel did” Lawton’s looked up then, surprised, hopeful, relieved. “She woke up a little while ago, Doctor was checking her over when I left.”

 

Lawton let out a breath “Any lasting damage?”

 

“A scar. She’ll be embarrassed too. She made a mistake covering an escape route. Guess she had other things on her mind.”

 

Lawton dropped his gaze to the floor. Guilt flickering across his face.

 

“Do you want to see her?”

 

“In the infirmary? Waller gonna let me up there? Or are you gonna put me there?”

 

Lawton shook his head before Oliver could answer him. “I can’t. Waller’s a manipulative bitch but she’s not wrong. Hitching your wagon to an assassin will get you gunned down real quick.”

 

“And yet the only time she ever caught a bullet was while you were down here. Wallowing. She’d take a month with you over a decade apart. Is she wrong to have that much faith in you?”

 

Lawton tipped his head back against the wall. Staring at his ceiling. Finally, he made a move to get up.

 

“Probably”

 

* * *

 

Waller had pitched a fit and pulled a gun on them as they entered the elevator but even she answered to someone higher up and eventually lowered her weapon.

 

* * *

 

Laurel’s Doctor had suggested another week in the hospital but otherwise she was in good shape, considering.

 

When the door opened she expected Oliver returning, not Floyd walking into her room, still in his bright yellow prison garb.

 

His greeting was awkward and self conscious “Hey”

 

“Hi… how’d you know I was here?”

 

“Waller told me, Queen came and got me when you woke up.”

 

She nodded, accepting his answer and forcing fake levity into her voice “So! How’ve you been?” 

 

“Shut up Laurel” he crossed the room and kissed her like she still might die

 

He broke the kiss to mutter how sorry he was before kissing her again.

 

“I’m so sorry, Waller got into my head and I bolted. I thought it’d be safer. I’m so sorry”

 

“Idiot.” Laurel had gotten teary in spite of herself.

 

“Yeah. But you knew that”

 

“Stubborn too. Had to get shot to get you to visit”

 

Lawton winced at that. “I’m sorry..”

 

“You said that already. Wasn’t you that shot me though.”

 

He rested his forehead against hers before wrapping his arms around her

 

“You still want to try an ‘us’?

 

She had tucked her face into his neck, breathing him in as she clung to him. His question startled her and she pulled back. She needed to see his face, needed to know if he was joking, if he still had doubts. If this was guilt talking.

 

“You know I do. But you… you don’t think it’s safe.”

 

“You almost died. Me leaving doesn’t make you invincible. If you had died… I’d have spent two years without you for no damn reason… I don’t want to miss the next two… or twenty…”

 

She wrapped her arms back around him, as tight as she could without pulling her stitches. They were ok, they were going to try. Maybe they wouldn’t stay in Starling, maybe it would get dangerous, but between them, what hadn’t they already lived through?

 

“You’re going to have to miss the next three months you know?”

 

He laughed, raising his head to kiss her again “Whats three months to us?”

 

* * *

 

3 months later

 

“Laurel, if you don’t stop bouncing I’m going to get Digg to sedate you”

 

Laurel was leaning against the hood of Felicity's mini bouncing lightly with nervous energy. Oliver was leaning against Floyd's car next to the mini. Digg and Lyla were parked on the other side, trying to placate their son who was in the middle of demonstrating exactly why two was so terrible.

 

“I’m nervous”

 

“I don’t know how you’ve got the energy to be nervous. You’ve been like this for two weeks!”

 

“What time is it?”

 

“It’s around 40 seconds later than the last time you asked. He was getting out at 3”

 

Oliver was trying not to laugh as his usually bubbly fiancé tried to reign in an over excited Laurel.

 

Floyd had completed his sentence. Today marked two years exactly since he’d left Verdant with Waller. Laurel had retrieved his car and driven it to A.R.G.U.S. followed by Felicity and Oliver in the mini and Digg, Lyla and Andrew bringing up the rear. Roy and Thea were at Verdant with Ben preparing a small welcome party.

 

Waller was still pissed so they’d had to park at the gates leading to the compound instead of driving to the front door.

 

He was finally coming home with her. They were officially a couple. Oliver and Felicity’s wedding was in three months and Felicity’s computer generated seating plan held his name. He’d been described to the wedding planner as ‘the bridesmaids boyfriend’. Her dad disapproved. She’d printed and framed the single photo of them together and placed it on her bedside table in the new apartment leased in both their names. The most recent photos of Zoe were in a collage frame in their new hallway.

 

“It’s a quarter past, right? I don’t see anything?”

 

“He probably has to walk to the gate, it’s like a mile and a half”

 

Laurel pulled his car keys from her pocket, their new building and apartment keys already added to the Blüdhaven whaling museum keychain he’d gotten so long ago.

 

“What time is it?”

 

Felicity’s expression had turned murderous but Laurel didn’t notice. She did notice the movement through the fence and beyond the trees. She pushed off from his car and took a step closer squinting as she tried see beyond the trees.

 

The main gates started to open and she bolted forward just as he cleared the trees and into her line of sight.

 

He dropped his bag just as she barrelled into him.

 

“Hey you”

 

He laughed at her greeting, as if they hadn’t spent the best part of two years separated.

 

“Hey you”

 


End file.
